There was a time when Mia thought herself to be a fairly intelligent, sensible individual. She did her homework promptly, helped her mother around the house, and tried to read her Bible regularly. Then a boy crushed her heart and tossed the remnants into the wind, and now, it seems everyone has seen what she did. The fallout has shattered her sense of self-worth. (You can read her story in The Green Grass Grows Again, a short tale available for my blog subscribers.)
Mia struggles with low self-esteem.
If you’re struggling with low self-esteem, you are in good company. Sometimes the problem is triggered by an event, as in Mia’s case. Often, however, the problem is chronic, something you deal with every day.
Is there any hope for getting out of the pit?
I promise to be completely honest with you in this post. I strive to always be completely honest in my writing, but this time, that honesty will be painful. Because I have struggled with low self-esteem, shaky self-confidence, and a diminished sense of worth. It has changed forms over the years, but the habit is one I will always have to fight.
You can fight it too.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Struggling With Low Self-Esteem: A Persistent Problem
In middle school, I was the class nerd. Smart and shy with a chronically nerdy wardrobe. I knew it too, and that only added to my negative view of myself.
“Why can’t I be pretty and outgoing instead of smart? I’m such a loser.”
By high school, the nerd wardrobe either righted itself or ceased to bother me and the bullies stopped picking on my honor roll status. But a new problem took its place: my lack of athletic ability. I ran like a three-legged camel, dribbled basketballs off my foot, and purposely dodged footballs whenever someone tossed me one out of fear of failing to catch it.
“I am the most unathletic person in the whole county. Of course they’re laughing at me. I would be too, if I could see myself.”
I graduated valedictorian of my high school class and went on to study music in college. Suddenly, athleticism diminished in importance, opera was cool, and I was right at home. It didn’t take long, however, for my self-confidence to crumble again. In high school, there was no question about who was the top pianist—me. But in college?
Suddenly, I found myself somewhere near the middle of the bottom.
“I am the most pitiful musician this stage has ever seen. I should just quit.”
No Graduation from Self-Pity
The issues have continued into adulthood.
“I’m a dreadful mother.”
“My hair is ugly.”
“I’m a terrible friend.”
And look at me now, an aspiring author, trying to break into a fiercely competitive field full of highly talented individuals.
“I’ll never be good enough; no one cares what I have to say.”
We all have our stories, and while your struggle with self-confidence and worth may be vastly different from mine, the basic feeling is the same: I’m a worthless, unimportant failure.
So, naturally, when I started writing this article, I wondered what I could possibly say. Could I follow my own advice?
What I found made me take a step back.
Adjust Your Focus
In researching how to help a Christian struggling with low self-esteem, I had an eye-opening revelation: Low self-esteem actually stems from focusing too much on ourselves and not enough on God. The person who thinks too highly of himself and the one with a low view of herself are both focused on the same thing: self.
Don’t be tempted to turn that into another reason to beat yourself up.
“Man, what a lousy Christian I’ve been!”
Instead, make room in the front of your mind for the one who really matters. Take a look at Psalm 98, one of several places in the Bible where we find all of creation in praise of its Creator. Rivers clap their hands and mountains sing for joy along with a whole company of musicians.
“Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things.”
Psalm 98:1
We are a part of that creation and we were created for the sole purpose of loving and worshipping our God. It becomes exponentially more difficult to feel bad about yourself when you are in the throes of worship.
Adjust Your View
What you do not want to be tempted to do right now is further bash yourself into the ground.
“God is good and I am worthless.”
Remember who you are. The same artist who created the stars, the moon, the clouds, the mountains, the trees, the cows, the ants, the carrots, the water beetles—and called it all “good”—also created you. And what’s more, he considers you more precious to him than all of the above. He created you in his image and gave you freewill to choose your path. And when you chose wrong, he sent his own son to die for you and make you right again (John 3:16). He didn’t do that for the cows or the ants or the carrots or the water beetles or the . . . you get the picture.
In doing so, God demonstrated just how valuable you truly are: You’re worth the sacrifice of a perfect life, namely Jesus’s. There is no greater price.
Adjust Your Thoughts
Train yourself to admire the handiwork of the Creator. You are the handiwork of the Creator. God designed you with specific qualities that make you unique. Your build, your hair, your nose, your eyes? All chosen by him. So too your personality and your talents. That means when you look down on yourself and say you’re not good enough, you’re actually disparaging your Creator, the one who designed you just the way he wanted.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.”
Psalm 139:14
So what you really should be saying is,“Your works are wonderful, God, including me.“
Personally, I’m not always thankful for every attribute God gave me. But he did give me some pretty cool traits. These are the things I have to concentrate on when my focus moves to what I don’t have. Everyone has something remarkable about his or herself. Find yours and praise God for it! If you are completely unable to find even one thing, ask your friends to help you.
Adjust Your Appearance
Present yourself as God’s creation. He did a marvelous job on every part of his creation, so let it show in your daily life. The simplest way to do that is to smile. Very few people look better without a smile, so let yours show.
Another simple tool is posture. How you carry yourself makes a huge difference between looking like a crushed rose or a blooming lily. Look people in the eye when you speak. I have found that when I make myself look confident, I start to feel it on the inside as well.
Stay On the Narrow Way
Writing this article has had an elevating impact on my own self-worth, and I hope that reading it has helped yours. But I know it won’t be long before I have to re-read it in order to remind myself of how valuable I am, and maybe you will too. My final advice is for both of us to go beyond the articles on the internet and dig straight into the Word of God, because his whole book is all about his love for us.
Here are a few treasures (all quotes are from the NIV):
“The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
Zephaniah 3:17
“Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God.”
John 1:12
“But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”
Ephesians 2:4-5
“But now, this is what the Lord says… ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God, your Savior. Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.
Isaiah 43:1-4 (condensed)
A Load of Resources For Christian Teens Struggling with Low Self-Esteem
Caution: If you struggle with low self-worth to the point where you are considering harming yourself, do not wait to get help. This is the time to talk to your pastor, a trusted family member or friend, or a mentor or teacher. The hole may be too deep for you to get out of on your own.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
The struggle with self-esteem and confidence is a big one, even for Christians. So I’ve written quite a bit about it over the years. Check out these articles…
If you struggle with confidence in your gifts and abilities:
- What is Genuine Confidence, and Where Can I Get Some?
- Believing in Yourself is Not Enough to Really Succeed
If your low self-worth stems from body image issues:
- Proverbs 31: How to Rise Above the Seduction of Unattainable Beauty
- For a Positive Body Image, Start With the Truth
For Christian teens struggling with low self-esteem due to bullying:
To see more evidence of your worth in God’s eyes:
For help in fighting the negative thoughts that keep you down:
- Positive Self-Talk For Christian Teens: Words That Actually Work
- How to Change Your Thought Patterns & Get Out of the Toxic Rut
Don’t tolerate Satan’s lies! Fight with the truth.