What is Genuine Confidence—And Where Can I Get Some?

If you had a choice between great wealth or genuine confidence…which would you choose?

I won’t make assumptions about anyone who’s reading this, but I would give up a lot for a lifetime supply of genuine, irrepressible confidence. Imagine what a person not lacking in confidence can face! Even the prospect of poverty would fail to upset.

On that note, it’s important to define what true confidence is—and how it differs from arrogance.

False Confidence: “Fake it until you make it!”

People who have seen me perform on stage often comment on my cool, collected manner. “You’re so calm!” they say. Outwardly, yes. But if they could hear my inner dialogue, they would be terrified for me.

False confidence focuses on appearance—acting instead of doing.

I am a living example of how false confidence gets you nowhere. I have faked confidence for many performances and it never translates to genuine confidence in the end. Only relief that I made it through at all.

False confidence focuses on appearance—acting confident instead of doing confidence. For some, that means putting on a collected front and pretending we know what we’re doing. For others, however, false confidence turns into arrogance.

Arrogance: The Camouflage For Insecurity

Arrogance is false confidence on display. Those who embody arrogance inflate their own self-importance, usually through offensive or overbearing exhibitions. Like the people who started the Tower of Babel in Genesis 11. 

“Come, let us build ourselves a city, with a tower that reaches to the heavens, so that we may make a name for ourselves.”

Genesis 11:4

The world was not yet widely populated at this point, so one must ask: For whom are they trying to make a name? In this case, the tower was a way of convincing themselves of their own superiority.

Arrogance requires advertising. Confidence speaks for itself.

Genuine Confidence: A Prerequisite For Great Pursuits

Unlike arrogance, real confidence is security in knowing you can accomplish whatever is within your capabilities. It’s not about being able to do the impossible (the old version of toughness—see my post Real Toughness Redefined). A confident person accepts where she’s at with the intention of not staying there forever. But instead of replacing insecurity, it counterbalances it.

If you want to build a strong mind and real toughness, you need genuine confidence.

HOW TO DEVELOP GENUINE CONFIDENCE

With a bit of mental conditioning, anyone can step on the path to true confidence. Just remember: Real confidence is not saying everything will work out fine. It’s believing you’ll be fine even if it doesn’t.

1) Lower the Bar, Raise the Floor

What happens when you break a personal record? Say you’re a pole vaulter who achieves a new height. Your coach and teammates slap you on the back and you spend the rest of the day high on accomplishment while anticipating killing the competition at your next meet.

Except, next time the conditions are different. You don’t get as much sleep the night before, you’re frustrated over a poor test grade in biology, and the cooler weather means tighter muscles. You fall drastically short of last week’s record. You blame it on a lesser state of mind, but a week later the same thing happens. And you start to think the record was a fluke and you’re not really that great and maybe you should quit.

If you find yourself spiraling like that, it’s time to lower the bar and raise the floor. 

Instead of focusing on achieving your best performance ever, focus on increasing your best average—that which you know you can replicate every time, regardless of conditions. 

Instead of focusing on achieving your best performance ever, focus on increasing your best average.

This is where improvement happens. Some days, everything clicks into place and you go further than you’ve ever gone before. Celebrate it, let the success wash over you, then go back to improving your baseline. As a runner, I’ve had days where I’ve maxed out my personal distance. But there is a certain distance I know I can consistently run under any conditions, and it’s this number I’m working to push further.

Aim for consistency. That does not mean lowering your expectations. It means knowing what you are capable of and setting a goal just outside of that. This change in mindset frees you up to take risks when the opportunity presents itself—when conditions are right and you know you have a little more in you.

Besides, if you keep raising the floor, you’ll eventually break through the ceiling.

2) Be Vulnerable, Not Delusional

Be comfortable with who you are, yet willing to change. 

You’re not perfect. Telling yourself you have no faults and nothing to improve is a waste of time. Instead, embrace who you are and be wise enough to acknowledge your current limitations. When you make yourself vulnerable, you can treat your faults not as something to hide but as something to know and learn from. Your ego can take a break from its self-protection default.

This is not the same as “settling.” A person who settles acknowledges their faults and sees them as permanent. You, however, are working toward being comfortable with who you are while still willing to change. 

Only when you identify and own your problems can you fix them.

3) Trust Your Training

“I’ve been here before, I’m prepared for this challenge.”

You’ve put in the time practicing and/rehearsing. You’ve built your fundamentals. You’re trained for this, whatever it is. Step aside and let your mind and body take over.

Arrogance requires advertising. Confidence speaks for itself.

Sometimes, genuine confidence is nothing more than reminding yourself you’ve come to the field prepared. As a musician, I’ve spent thousands of grueling hours in practice rooms. I know what I’m doing. It’s just a matter of letting my mind believe it.

If you’re worried about a certain aspect (say a certain wrestling maneuver, a certain passage of music that doesn’t feel quite right under your fingers, a part of your speech you always fumble), that’s an aspect to practice more. But work from the perspective of growth, not fear. Tell yourself “I’m going to master this because I can” instead of “I hope I don’t screw this up next time.”

4) Put a Cork in Your Ego

In the face of failure, the ego defaults to placing the blame somewhere else.

“I failed that test because my brother kept bothering me while I was studying.”

“Chris cut me off on the last lap so I didn’t win.”

“My supervisor gave me too much work so I had to rush to finish it.”

Regardless of the kernels of truth those statements might hold, you give away the power to improve when you blame someone else for your failure. Turn down your ego so it will listen to instruction! Be open and receptive, not defensive and closed off. You want a sense of self that’s both secure and flexible—meaning you accept where you’re at now and willing to improve it.

5) Build Your Confidence on Solid Ground—The MOST Critical Step

Training—both mental and physical—will get you pretty far when it comes to developing true confidence. But if you want to reach the highest level of confidence—that which cannot be shaken under any circumstances—then look beyond yourself. Look to the one who gave you every ability you possess as well as the abilities you have yet to discover. 

The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can mere mortals do to me?

Psalm 118:6

This is the most important step. If you fail to follow the previous suggestions but focus on this one, you’ll be further ahead than someone who stopped at number four. Genuine confidence is forward-looking instead of focused on your feet. What good is mastering a skill or breaking a record if you have no idea where you’ll go beyond that?

When you place your confidence in Jesus, that question is answered.

If you want to see limits be broken, put your confidence not in what you can accomplish, but in what God can accomplish through someone like you.

For more on this:

• Lacking Self-Confidence? You Don’t Need it!
• Believing In Yourself Is Not Enough To Really Succeed

Be Confident = Be Free

“Curiosity takes ignorance seriously—and is confident enough to admit when it’s in the dark. It is aware of not knowing. And then it sets out to do something about it.”

British author Alain de Botton

Shrug off the chains of insecurity and false confidence and clothe yourself in genuine confidence!