Why Everyone Deserves Unconditional Respect

Respect. 

Aretha Franklin sang about it, Martin Luther King, Jr. spoke about it, teachers in elementary schools preach it every day. And yet, here we are in a world where good examples of genuine unconditional respect are hard to come by, especially in the news.

I feel pretty confident that most of you know what respect is, but since multiple definitions exist, let me clarify:

Respect is caring about how your own words and actions can impact others.

Reclaiming the Lost Art of Respect: Cultural Trends

Google can take you to thousands of quotes about respect in 0.45 seconds. A few of my favorites:

“I speak to everyone in the same way, whether he is the garbage man or the president of the university.”

Albert Einstein

“Respect is one of the greatest expressions of love.”

Miquel Angel Ruiz

But then there are quotes like this one: 

“I only respect people who respect me, and I forget people who forget me.”

Ironic, but doesn’t that sound sort of…disrespectful?

Or how about:

“Respect is earned, not given.”

This one is quite popular. However, there’s nothing in our above definition of respect—caring about how your own words and actions can impact others—that makes it conditional. Admiration has to be earned. So does honor and trust. But the Bible gives different instructions about respect: 

“Show proper respect to everyone, love the family of believers, fear God, honor the emperor.”

1 Peter 2:17

Everyone, no exceptions. Like love, respect should be unconditional. Are you gritting your teeth right now? I myself can think of a few people in my life who are difficult to respect.

What is proper unconditional respect?

It helps to remember that every human, from the lowliest (as in, Einstein’s garbage man) to those we deem most worthy (such as the president of the nation), was made in the image of God, and as such, all deserve a certain MINIMUM of respect.

You can be respectful to someone you don’t trust simply because that’s what you were called to do, and it doesn’t mean you have to give yourself over to abuse.

The amount of respect you show someone says more about your character than it does about anyone else’s.

The amount of respect you show someone says more about your character than it does about anyone else’s. Your choice to demonstrate respect to someone who otherwise doesn’t seem to deserve it shows your maturity.

Unfortunately, like tapestry weaving or skinning a beaver, the skill of genuine and unconditional respect is becoming rare, and those of us who would actually like to embrace this important character trait sometimes don’t even know when we’ve crossed the line.

Raise the Bar on Unconditional Respect

Do you know how to be respectful, beyond saying “please” and “thank you” and not belching out loud in public?

A few years ago (actually, quite a few years ago), comedian Jeff Foxworthy popularized redneck jokes. Have you heard them? “You might be a redneck if you use a fishing license as a form of I.D.” Or, “You might be a redneck if you get pulled over for speeding with a mattress atop your car.” (Apparently rednecks don’t mind being the butt of jokes.) 

What if we apply this format to the issue of respect?

You might be having trouble with respect if…

• Your mouth is always moving. Sometimes not saying anything at all is the most respectful thing you can do. 
• You don’t know how to listen, even when you are silent. Check out my post A Challenge to Be a Good Listener.
• You toss around your opinions as if you were throwing confetti at a wedding. Really, no one needs to know what you think of former President Donald Trump’s hairstyle or why you believe that all musicians are weird.
• You think that showing respect for your teacher means not running him over in the school parking lot. God gives special commands about showing respect to people in authority. This includes your parents, teachers, coaches, employers, law enforcement, and government officials. So while you might not always agree with them, you still need to submit to their authority and use common courtesy in all of your interactions with them.
• You think freedom of speech means you are entitled to call the President of the United States a ‘misogynistic windbag’ on your social media account. Again, respect for those in authority does not mean you have to agree with them. But name-calling, defamation and slander are still childish, no matter what your age is.
• You think that walking a mile in someone else’s shoes means putting on her Nikes and going for a hike. Empathy, the ability to understand and share the feelings of another, goes a long way in helping you learn to respect someone, even someone you don’t like. Take time to understand the other side.

You can be the example of giving unconditional respect that the world so desperately needs. “Don’t let anyone look down on you because you are young, but set an example for the believers in speech, in conduct, in love, in faith and in purity.” -1 Timothy 4:12.

Ladies, for a deeper discussion on showing unconditional respect for the guys in your lives, see my post Respect For Guys: Why and How to Do It. And everyone could benefit from the reminder about respecting governing authorities in Fervr’s article Whoever Wins, Respect Them!