A Challenge to Be a Good Listener

Reclaiming the Lost Art of Really, Truly, Honestly Listening

Do you know how to be a good listener? Who in your life is a good listener?

To help you answer those questions, let’s think about the qualities of a good listener. Listening means more than just being quiet when someone speaks. A good listener is someone who…

• shows his/her interest through appropriate facial expressions and body language
• doesn’t interrupt
• doesn’t bow to outside distractions
• sets aside his/her personal agenda, issues, biases, and opinions in favor of hearing what you have to say
• hears what you’re saying out loud—and what you’re not saying out loud

That’s a tall order. Who do you know fits this description?

Would anyone say that this describes you?

Those Who Do Not Listen

Whenever we speak of listening, I can think of a few people in my life who are extraordinarily poor listeners. These people are too busy formulating responses in their heads to actually hear what someone says to them. When you talk to them on the phone, they’re distracted by things in the background—the television, their dog, other people— and you wonder if they’re even listening to you at all.

In person, they’re so enamored with whatever’s happening on their phones that they aren’t paying much attention to you—who’s standing right in front of them.

And then there are those too entrenched in their own opinions to be able to even hear what you are saying or feeling.

Unfortunately, most of us fall somewhere in the above spectrum of poor listeners. Truly listening and truly hearing what others are saying has become a lost art.

Would you be my neighbor?

He could discern someone’s true feelings and hurts without that person having to spell it out.

I used to think I was a pretty good listener. Then Mister Rogers, as portrayed by Tom Hanks in the movie A Beautiful Day In The Neighborhood, put me to shame. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, I highly recommend watching this movie (which is based on a true story) to see an incredible example of someone truly being present and available for others.

Mr. Rogers was never in a hurry when he was with someone. He didn’t pass judgment, he didn’t let his opinions get in the way of hearing. And he listened to what wasn’t being said as well as what was. In this way, he could discern someone’s true feelings and hurts without that person having to spell it out. He embodied all the qualities of a good listener.

I think if we all had someone like this in our lives, the world would be a much less hostile place.

A Challenge For You to Be a Good Listener Like Mister Rogers

Christians are called to love one another, but how can we do that if we aren’t willing to listen to others? To focus on their thoughts, feelings, and needs rather than our own? To truly understand them?

I dare every one of you to take up the challenge for the next seven days and really listen anytime someone speaks to you, no matter how insignificant the conversation. Stop what you’re doing and give him or her your full attention. Put aside your own desire to be heard and noticed for the sake of someone else. Practice clearing your mind of the thoughts and judgments going through your head so you can make space to be receptive and loving. Take note of the facial expressions and body language of the person who’s speaking and ask for clarification if you aren’t sure you understand something.

Don’t be discouraged if you’re not great at “reading” someone. These kinds of skills take practice, and in this world of polarized opinions and me-first attitudes, most of us are pretty rusty at these skills. Make James 1:19 your goal:

“Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry.” 

And when seven days have passed? Well, if you’ve truly risen to the challenge, I bet the response you get from others will make you want to continue being a good listener for the rest of your life.

For specific ways to hone your listening skills, check out 10 Steps to Becoming A Better Listener at the Life Teen website.