Stop Judging Others By Appearances: She’s More Than a Body

In June, I wrote an article called For A Positive Body Image, Start With The Truth where I discussed the trend of self-objectification: the mental state of worrying about your physical appearance. I also listed some ways to overcome this trend in yourself, such as seeing through the lies in the media and remembering that your body is God’s gift to you. 

But something was bothering me, even after I posted it.

The problem with overcoming self-objectification of myself is that even if I stop believing my value as a woman is based on my appearance, others are still going to be looking at me, judging and comparing me to other women.

To them, I’m still an object to be viewed. 

Unfortunately, I can’t change a whole world of incorrect thinkers. But I can make a difference, starting with myself and you, my reader. How can you and I go against the trend of judging others by appearances?

How do you view others?

What goes through your head when you see an overweight person walk by in a swimsuit? Do you make whale jokes with your friends, then comment on how she should cover up? Similarly, what goes through your mind when you encounter someone with severe acne, crooked teeth, a large nose, a double chin, bushy eyebrows, or prematurely gray hair?

Thanks to a beauty industry that aims to correct or cover up anything that doesn’t fit predefined narrow standards, all of these are considered “flaws.” But do you think an overweight girl with severe acne will make a worse friend than a skinny one with fair skin?

Do you think an overweight girl with severe acne will make a worse friend than a skinny one with fair skin?

Unfortunately, our first impression of a person is made through her appearance, and some of us never get past that point because we are consumed with negative thoughts about how she looks. Sometimes I wonder how differently we would react to each other if we were all blind the first time we met. (In fact, one of my short stories, A Time to Heal, centers on a character with a glaring physical flaw who capitalizes on his friendship with a blind girl.)

On the flip side, what is your reaction when you encounter someone whom you deem as physically beautiful? Are you more welcoming to her because of her perfect hair, teeth, skin, and body shape? Or maybe the opposite is true, where you’re jealous because she doesn’t struggle with weight like you do and all the boys seem to flock around her like moths to a light. 

How are you subconsciously comparing and judging others by outward appearance?

But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.”

1 Samuel 16:7

The Danger of Turning Each Other Into Yard Ornaments

As a culture, we have a bad habit of focusing on physical looks, and doing so keeps us from seeing each other as complete people. You can’t enjoy someone’s lively character or intelligence if you can’t get past how she looks in leggings. This is a dividing phenomenon.

In their book More Than A Body, Lindsay and Lexie Kite say, “Research shows that women not only feel worse about their bodies after comparing them to others’, but also feel less connection and unity towards the women they’re measuring themselves against. If everyone is a competitor, no one is really on your team.”

We’ve turned into judges, not teammates.

Bullying: Not Just For Boys

Boys and men may tend toward physical aggression, but girls and women are more relational aggressive, earning us the label of being “catty.” In fact, girls are more likely to be bullied than boys—often by other girls—and the top reason for being bullied is physical appearance. This isn’t limited to girls who don’t fit beauty ideals. Pretty girls are bullied by girls who are jealous of their beauty!

“If everyone is a competitor, no one is really on your team.”

From More Than A Body

Isn’t that insane? Why can’t we just celebrate each other’s uniqueness?

Three Steps to Stop Judging Others by Appearances

How can you and I stop the objectification of women?

1) Body + Soul = Whole Person

It starts with remembering that God is a magnificent designer who didn’t reach for a cookie cutter when he made each of us. He is not confined to our culturally set standards of size and beauty. (See Psalm 119:73-74). We may be focused on what’s on the outside, but the soul on the inside is his favorite part. Don’t let someone’s body distract you from her beautiful, unique soul.

2) Lay Aside the Ruler

Recognize that another woman’s beauty is not a challenge for you to look the same. Even “beautiful” women have body confidence issues. If you give yourself a break from feeling like she’s the standard you have to live up to, you will be more likely to give her a break, too, and welcome her into your life as a total person.

“Stop judging by mere appearances, but instead judge correctly.”

Jesus, in John 7:24

3) Compliment the Whole Person

We have a bad habit of focusing on physical looks, and doing so keeps us from seeing each other as complete people.

Don’t focus solely on physical appearance in your compliments and conversations. Everyone loves to be complimented, but when those compliments are solely on physical attributes, it reinforces the false notion that appearance is more important than anything else. Assuring someone she is beautiful will not protect her from the pain of being called ugly, so don’t give beauty the power to make or break someone. Focus your comments on her character, work ethic, or other aspects of her humanity.

And from an expert on the issue, never comment on body size! I know it’s counterintuitive, but even weight loss compliments reinforce the idea that thinner is superior.

There is a time to judge, but this is not it. Meet each other with compassion instead of judgment. For a great resource on body confidence issues and the danger of judging others by appearances, check out the More Than A Body website, put on by the authors of the above-quoted book.

More Resources on Self-Esteem For Christian Teens

• 8 Bible Verses For When You Feel Worthless
• How to Rise Above the Seduction of Unattainable Beauty
• Priceless: Hope For Young Christians Struggling With Self-Esteem