If you are a Christian struggling with low self-esteem, you are in good company. Sometimes the problem is triggered by an event. In my short story, The Green Grass Grows Again, Mia deals with the fallout of a bad decision that has shattered her sense of self-worth.
Often, however, the problem remains chronic, something you deal with every day.
I promise to be completely honest with you in this post. That’s not any different from any of my other posts since I strive to always be completely honest. But in this post, that honesty will be painful, because I often struggle with low self-esteem, shaky self-confidence, and a diminished sense of worth. It has changed forms over the years, but the habit has always been there.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Struggling With Low Self-Esteem: A Persistent Problem
In middle school, I was the class nerd. Smart and shy with a chronically nerdy wardrobe. I knew it too, and that only added to my negative view of myself.
“Why can’t I be pretty and outgoing instead of smart? I’m such a loser.”
By high school, the nerd wardrobe either righted itself or ceased to bother me and the bullies stopped picking on my honor roll status. But a new problem took its place: my lack of athletic ability. I ran like a three-legged camel, dribbled basketballs off my foot, and purposely dodged footballs whenever someone tossed me one out of fear of failing to catch it.
“I am the most unathletic person in the whole county. Of course they’re laughing at me. I would be too, if I could see myself.”
I graduated valedictorian of my high school class and went on to study music in college. Suddenly, athleticism diminished in importance, opera was cool, and I was right at home. It didn’t take long, however, for my self-confidence to crumble again. In high school, there was no question about who was the top pianist—me. But in college?
Suddenly, I found myself somewhere near the middle of the bottom.
“I am the most pitiful musician this stage has ever seen. I should just quit.”
No Graduation from Self-Pity
The issues have continued into adulthood.
“I’m a dreadful mother.”
“My hair is ugly.”
“I’m a terrible friend.”
And look at me now! As an aspiring author, I’m trying to break into a fiercely competitive field full of highly talented individuals.
“I’ll never be good enough; no one cares what I have to say.”
We all have our stories, and while your struggle may be vastly different from mine, the basic feeling is the same: I’m a worthless, unimportant failure.
So, naturally, when I started writing this article, I wondered what I could possibly say. Could I follow my own advice?
What I found made me take a step back.
Adjust Your Focus
In researching how to help a Christian struggling with low self-esteem, I had an eye-opening revelation: Low self-esteem actually stems from focusing too much on ourselves and not enough on God. The person who thinks too highly of himself and the one with a low view of herself are both focused on the same thing: self.
Don’t be tempted to turn that into another reason to beat yourself up.
“Man, what a lousy Christian I’ve been!”
Instead, make room in the front of your mind for the one who really matters. Take a look at Psalm 98, one of several places in the Bible where we find all of creation in praise of its Creator. Rivers clap their hands and mountains sing for joy along with a whole company of musicians.
“Sing to the Lord a new song, for he has done marvelous things.” (verse 1)
We are a part of that creation and we were created for the sole purpose of loving and worshipping our God. It becomes exponentially more difficult to feel bad about yourself when you are in the throes of worship.
Adjust Your View
What you do not want to be tempted to do right now is further bash yourself into the ground.
“God is good and I am worthless.”
Remember who you are. The same artist who created the stars, the moon, the clouds, the mountains, the trees, the cows, the ants, the carrots, the water beetles—and called it all “good”—also created you. And what’s more, he considers you more precious to him than all of the above. He created you in his image and gave you freewill to choose your path. And when you chose wrong, he sent his own son to die for you and make you right again (John 3:16). He didn’t do that for the water beetles and the carrots and the . . . you get the picture.
In doing so, God demonstrated just how valuable you truly are: You’re worth the sacrifice of a perfect life, namely Jesus’s. There is no greater price.
Adjust Your Thoughts
Train yourself to admire the handiwork of the Creator. You are the handiwork of the Creator. God designed you with specific qualities that make you unique. Your build, your hair, your nose, your eyes? All chosen by him. So too your personality and your talents. That means when you look down on yourself and say you’re not good enough, you’re actually disparaging your Creator, the one who designed you just the way he wanted.
“I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made; your works are wonderful, I know that full well.” -Psalm 139:14, NIV
“Your works are wonderful, God, including me.“
Personally, I’m not always thankful for every attribute God gave me. I wish he had made me slightly more athletic and way more outgoing. But he did give me some pretty cool traits. He gave me a nearly-four-octave vocal range and razor-sharp precision when it comes to remembering certain things. And I’ve always been fond of my eyes and hair color.
These are the things you must concentrate on when your focus moves to what you don’t have. Everyone has something remarkable about his or herself. Find yours and praise God for it! If you are completely unable to find even one thing, ask your friends to help you.
Adjust Your Appearance
Present yourself as God’s creation. He did a marvelous job on every part of his creation, so let it show in your daily life. The simplest way to do that is to smile. Very few people look better without a smile, so let yours show.
Another simple tool is posture. How you carry yourself makes a huge difference between looking like a crushed rose or a blooming lily. Look people in the eye when you speak. I have found that when I make myself look confident, I start to feel it on the inside as well.
Stay On the Narrow Way
Writing this article has had an elevating impact on my own self-worth, and I hope that reading it has helped yours. But I know it won’t be long before I have to re-read it in order to remind myself of how valuable I am, and maybe you will too. My final advice is for both of us to go beyond the articles on the internet and dig straight into the Word of God, because his whole book is all about his love for us.
Here are a few treasures (all quotes are from the NIV):
Zephaniah 3:17: “The Lord your God is with you, the Mighty Warrior who saves. He will take great delight in you; in his love he will no longer rebuke you, but will rejoice over you with singing.”
John 1:12: “Yet to all who did receive him, to those who believed in his name, he gave the right to become children of God…”
Ephesians 2:4-5: “But because of his great love for us, God, who is rich in mercy, made us alive with Christ even when we were dead in transgressions—it is by grace you have been saved.”
Isaiah 43:1-4 (abbreviated): “But now, this is what the Lord says… ‘Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have summoned you by name; you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and when you pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over you. When you walk through the fire, you will not be burned; the flames will not set you ablaze. For I am the Lord your God… your Savior… Since you are precious and honored in my sight, and because I love you, I will give people in exchange for you, nations in exchange for your life.
Further Resources:
Caution: If you are a Christian struggling with low self-esteem to the point where you are considering harming yourself, do not wait to get help. This is the time to talk to your pastor, a trusted family member or friend, or a mentor or teacher. The hole may be too deep for you to get out of on your own.
I also invite all of you to read The Surprising Truth About Low Self-Esteem at Boundless.org.