5 Important Questions About Modesty—And Their Answers

Is biblical modesty unfair? Does God expect more from girls than guys? If a guy lusts after you, is that your fault? And can you still love fashion, look attractive, and honor Christ at the same time?

If you’ve wrestled with these questions about modesty, you’re not the only one. Few topics spark more debate among Christians than what it truly means to dress modestly. One declares modesty nothing more than an outdated dress code, another insists it’s all about protecting guys from temptation, while yet another will boldly declare lust is a guy’s problem and girls should dress for themselves.

And somewhere in the middle, many Christian teens are left wondering, exactly what does the Bible say about modesty?

Biblical modesty is about far more than hemlines, necklines, and midriffs. It’s about rejecting a culture that says your worth is found in your appearance and embracing the freedom of your true identity, found only in Christ. In this post, we’ll answer some of your biggest questions about modesty, like, is modesty a girls-only issue? What if I kind of want to look sexy? Am I responsible for causing guys to lust?

Whether you’re skeptical, curious, or simply looking for biblical answers, let’s tackle the biggest controversies regarding biblical modesty and figure out what modesty in Christian teens should look like.

Common Questions About Modesty

1) Do My Clothing Choices Really Affect Guys?

I’m tackling this one first because this is far more hotly debated than spaghetti straps and skirt lengths. Do your clothing choices as a young woman affect the boys around you?

Yes. Guys are aware of what you’re wearing, and it can have unintended effects.

God made males and females very different, not only in body, but in the brain.

A growing number of feminist influencers (both Christian and non) argue that it’s not a woman’s responsibility to be concerned about what happens in a guy’s mind when you wear a miniskirt. While it’s true each individual is responsible for maintaining control over his or her own thoughts, ignorance is unwise.

God made the male and female brain very different. The male brain has approximately twice the physical capacity for sex-related thinking. That’s no joke. Couple that with the surge of testosterone that hits during puberty, and you have a guy who is very, very aware of the female body.

This is a biological fact. Don’t believe me? Check out Chad Eastham’s book Guys Are Waffles, Girls Are Spaghetti. (I consider this book required reading for all teens, both girls and guys.)

Everything a Christian does should be done in the context of loving others.

From a biblical perspective, 1 Corinthians 13:5 tells us love does not dishonor others and isn’t self-seeking. Everything a Christian does should be done in the context of loving others. We don’t make clothing choices without considering how they affect the people—both guys and girls—around us.

Fortunately, proper modesty accomplishes this already. When you treat your body with care and respect, you help others see you as a whole person, not an ornament or a toy. It’s wise to be aware of the potential effects you have on the males around you, but if you are making wise fashion choices, this is not something you need to focus on.

Check out my post Is Female Immodesty Responsible For Male Lust? for more on this.

2) Are Guys the Only Reason Modesty is Important for Christian Girls?

While the answer to Question #1 is absolutely yes, the answer to Question #2 is a resounding absolutely not.

Think of modesty as fighting back against a fashion industry that wants us to believe our value is found in our sex appeal.

Biblical modesty goes MUCH deeper than helping someone else keep his thoughts pure. Think of modesty as fighting back against a fashion industry that wants us to believe our value is found in our sex appeal. Every time they roll out another trend that showcases the midriff or involves clothing that more closely resembles a second skin, they are basically saying, Ladies, your character and intelligence don’t matter. It’s all about how you look.

Do you really want to buy into that kind of manipulation?

Studies have been done and shown that body-baring and tight clothing lead to hyper-awareness of your body. Who hasn’t found herself sucking in her tummy or continually adjusting that piece of clothing that doesn’t cover all? (Like the itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini.) It’s natural to want to be admired, but sometimes the desire to be noticed hinders our focus and happiness.

Biblical modesty moves the focus from physical appearance and earthly desires to God and your service to Him. Can you serve God in a bikini? Maybe. *coughs* But will the focus be on Him if you do? That’s a hard sell.

She is clothed with strength and dignity; she can laugh at the days to come.

Proverbs 31:25

Check out my post Proverbs 31: How to Rise Above the Seduction of Unattainable Beauty.

3) Is it Okay to Want to Look Sexy?

You’re not a heathen if you’ve ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wondered if guys would see you as attractive in this outfit. As a woman, I don’t want to be noticed only for my body, but I still want my body to be noticed sometimes. And that’s okay. 

Just like God created guys to be highly aware of the female body, he created women to want to be desired by a guy. Both these things are fabulous in marriage. But keep in mind two things:

1. Sex appeal should not be the driving force behind your clothing choices.
2. Never, ever let the fashion industry define what sexual appeal is.

Your appearance is only part of what makes you sexy. Charm and character play a bigger part. And if a guy only thinks you’re sexy if you show off your breasts and legs, he’s probably not the kind of guy you want attention from anyway.

See my post More Than a Body: Stop Judging Others By Appearances.

4) Does Biblical Modesty Apply to Guys?

That is a very good question—one that isn’t asked often enough.

Guys are not immune from the body-equals-value lie.

But battling lust and striving for holiness apply to both genders. Dress codes should not focus strictly on girls. Guys would do well to consider what their clothing choices say about themselves, particularly whether or not they are dressed to serve God or self.

Guys are not immune from the body-equals-value lie. They, too, can fall into the trap of trying to fit an ideal, even if that ideal originates from within. And lust isn’t strictly a male problem. What a guy wears can affect a girl, even if not in the same way her clothing affects him.

In all things, let us build each other up and serve God!

Related: Win The Battle Against Lust: Strategies for Christian Teens

5) Should I Adopt a Personal Dress Code?

Yes! Who says modesty means eschewing all personal taste and expression? You can enjoy fashion and still serve God.

Biblical modesty isn’t just about covering up. It’s also about choosing clothing that helps you be your most confident self. Clothing that doesn’t get in the way of your pursuits, whether you’re swimming, dancing, running, or simply going about your usual day. It’s about focusing on the exhilarating feeling of the activity rather than on how you look.

Don’t let fashion trends get in the way of being your best for God. Spend some time reading about the woman of noble character in Proverbs 31, then consider your own personal tastes and check out 5 Practical Steps to a Stylish, Modest Wardrobe.

Think of modesty as a tool to show compassion and respect for everyone, including—and maybe especially—yourself.

The Ongoing Controversy Over Modesty for Christian Girls

Modesty standards for Christian teens will always cause controversy. That’s a good thing. It means people care and are talking about it. Join the conversation!