Few topics make Christians argue more vehemently than modesty. The modesty culture of years past says, “Girls need to dress more modestly to keep guys from thinking impure thoughts.” But more modern voices are starting to speak up with messages like, “Girls aren’t responsible for guys’ thoughts.”
So which side is right? Who is responsible for male lust?
The answer is probably more nuanced than you’ve been told. The Bible doesn’t let guys off the hook for their lust. But it also doesn’t tell Christians to stop caring about how their choices affect the people around them.
If you’re tired of the shouting match and genuinely want a biblical answer instead of a cultural one, let’s dig into what Scripture says about modesty, lust, personal responsibility, and how Christian guys and girls can help each other pursue holiness.
Hey, I’m Lauren, author of YA Christian fiction and blogger for teens with higher aim.
In This Article
No, Girls Are Not Responsible For Male Lust
“If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away.”
Matthew 5:29
“Put to death, therefore, whatever belongs to your earthly nature: sexual immorality, impurity, lust, evil desires and greed, which is idolatry.”
Colossians 3:5
“I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustfully at a young woman.”
Job 31:1
“So I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not gratify the desires of the flesh.”
Galatians 5:16
God doesn’t let anyone off the hook for what happens in his mind or heart. The Bible is very clear about that. Each person is responsible for taking captive his or her own thoughts. No boy gets off with pointing a finger at a girl and saying, “She made me do it.”
God doesn’t let anyone off the hook for what happens in his mind or heart.
As stated by a man in this article about modesty, “Women deserve respect regardless of what they choose to wear. If a man can’t look at a woman in a respectful way, then the problem is not her body. The problem is his mind and his heart.”
It is wrong to shame a woman for the abuse she may have suffered at the hands of a male by telling her, “You asked for it with the way you dressed.” Such implications shift the blame from where it really belongs—on the man who failed to treat her with respect.
As I said in an earlier post on Christian girls and fashion, women do not have a monopoly on self-control. God gave it to men too, and they are capable of using it. I always tell my sons, “God gave you eyelids for a reason. Use them.”
Guys who are reading this: Check out 5 Lies Modesty Culture Teaches Men, a great article—written by a man—for Crosswalk!
If all you want is an answer to the question “Are girls responsible for causing guys to lust?” I suppose you can stop right here. But if you’re interested in the bigger picture—if you’re dedicated to serving and glorifying God with your life—keep reading.
The Truth About Guys & Girls
“How beautiful you are, my darling! Oh, how beautiful! Your eyes are doves.”
Song of Songs 1:15
In a discussion about Christian girls and modesty, it’s unwise to ignore something creators of pornography have already figured out:
Males are visually stimulated.
When a girl in a dress (even a modest one) walks into a room, every guy present will be aware of her presence and her exact location the entire time. Even the ones who aren’t actively following her with their eyes. Guys notice girls.
I’ve experienced this firsthand. My husband and I will be out in public and he’ll turn to me and say, “Did you see what that woman was wearing?!”
And I’ll say, “What woman?”
Men are wired to notice the female body. Hollywood knows this. Marketers know this. Video game creators know this. Christians?
We’re pretty good at pretending this isn’t true.
Which is unfortunate, because in the right context, this is a beautiful thing. And, it presents an opportunity for Christian girls to reciprocate respect for their brothers in Christ.
Respect & Responsibility: Thinking Outside Yourself
“[Love] does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking…”
1 Corinthians 13:5
“Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.”
1 Thessalonians 5:11
I want guys to respect me. I want them to look at me as a whole person—body, mind, and soul—and not as an ornament or plaything. I imagine this is the desire of most women.
I also want to reciprocate respect to the guys around me. That’s simply the proper order of things: I give respect, you give respect. In this manner, we can build each other up and be stronger than we are alone.
Our clothing choices can either convey respect or disrespect. If you know that guys are visually stimulated, then dressing in a way that improperly flaunts your body shows disrespect. It conveys the message that, while you want guys to respect you, you don’t have a concern about their struggles or quest for holiness.
Christians are called to support each other—to love, encourage, and educate each other. Proper modesty allows you to take the focus off earthly desires and instead point to God.
Modesty & The Battle Against Lust: A Shared Problem
If you think of Christ as the center of your solar system, then lust is the thing that pulls you out of orbit. You no longer have the supreme giver of light and life in focus, and your world grows cold and dark. One given over to lust is like a vampire racing through the night, driven by his ravenous craving. He cannot think about the needs of another, much less give unconditional love.
Is that the kind of man you want to date or marry?
Me neither. Saying this isn’t your problem is like saying his end of the boat is sinking. In the end, if he sinks, so will you.
Saying this isn’t your problem is like saying his end of the boat is sinking.
As a woman, you have an extraordinary power, and I’m not referring to the power to seduce. You have the power to educate and influence guys. If you show through your appearance, your speech, and your conduct that you recognize your value before God, they will treat you accordingly.
But more than that, you have the power to build males up and clear some of the stumbling blocks on their pathway to Christ. The young man who keeps Christ in the center of his solar system becomes a husband who is able to give a woman unconditional love and help her battle her own weaknesses.
When guys win, we win too.
IN CONCLUSION
Therefore let us stop passing judgment on one another. Instead, make up your mind not to put any stumbling block or obstacle in the way of a brother or sister.
Romans 14:13
Use your power to turn hearts, not heads. Share the burden of helping each other live in holiness. After all, you’re on the same pathway to eternity.
More Resources on Christian Girls & Modesty
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
- 5 Important Questions About Modesty—And Their Answers
- 8 Simple Ways Teen Girls Can Show Respect For Boys
- A Christian Girl’s Perspective on Fashion
- Desiring God has awesome, deeply biblical articles on almost any issue presented to Christians. Check out these articles on modesty: Does God Care What I Wear? and Modesty Misunderstood: What Men and Women Need to Know.
Related: 7 Common Lies That Christian Girls Believe About Sex