Ever been told you need to control your anger?
Your day was going just fine until you saw the social media post from one of your classmates bashing your Christian beliefs. A friend confronts you about something he thinks you did wrong. Your sister used the last of the hot water in her shower, ate the last bagel for breakfast, and took the car, leaving you to walk to school in the rain.
Enter: anger, and the impulse to erupt like a volcano.
Time to press pause. Then repeat after me: When I react in anger, I let someone else control me.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
In This Article
When Anger Happens
Anger is an easy emotion to feel, and not an easy feeling to ignore. And while we’re on the topic, let’s make one thing clear. Feeling angry is not necessarily a sin. How you react in anger, however, can and often does lead to sin. If you succumb to anger, you surrender control of yourself to someone else.
My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires.
James 1:19-20
If this is something you struggle with, take back control and strive for the righteousness God desires with the following steps.
7 Steps to Help You Control Your Anger
1) Take a deep breath and count to 10.
This old-school way of preventing an angry explosion still works. Try it. It might be the only step you need.
2) Examine yourself.
Be honest. Are you mad over something you just don’t want to hear? If a friend has confronted you about your sin, your anger toward him or her is not justified.
Kill the sin, not the messenger.
When I react in anger, I let someone else control me.
3) Ask sincere questions.
Make sure you aren’t misunderstanding the real issue. The Spanish-American War started when an explosion sank the USS Maine in Havana, Cuba in 1898 and the U.S. assumed Spain caused it. Seventy-eight years later, it was determined the explosion was likely caused by a fire that ignited the battleship’s ammunition stocks.
The moral of the story? Don’t start a war over incorrect assumptions.
4) Listen—for real.
Don’t forget to listen to what the other side has to say. This involves turning off the part of your brain that’s busy formulating a comeback and instead actually hearing their side of the story. You don’t have to agree, but you do need to listen.
For help with this, read my post A Challenge to Be a Good Listener.
5) Stand your ground.
And by ground I mean the solid rock of faith. The real enemy is Satan, and he’s already been defeated. Let your actions—even when you are angry—be those of one whose joy in Christ cannot be taken away.
Need clarification? See The Battle’s Already Been Won…What Battle?
6) Save your breath.
You probably already know this, but heated arguments rarely yield positive results. More often than not, you’ll both end up even angrier and your relationship with this person will be damaged by words spoken in anger.
Feeling angry is not necessarily a sin. How you react in anger, however, can and often does lead to sin.
That’s when it’s time to go to step #7.
7) Walk away.
The winner is the one who acts out of Christian conduct. Sometimes the only way to do that is to walk away.
Control your anger so others can’t control you!