Have you ever met someone with chronically bad breath? Maybe it’s a hygiene issue or an underlying medical condition, but no matter. You know who she is and you’re careful to stay out of her way. And if she crosses into your personal space? You know it immediately.
How would you like to be the person everyone backs away from?
The mouth is a fountain, and I’m not talking about bad breath anymore. What comes out of yours determines how people remember you. Are your words honest with a hint of sweetness or sharpened by the foul odor of profanity? Have you managed to tame your tongue and make it work for you or is it a ferral hog rooting through everyone else’s garbage?
Your speech matters because just as you don’t forget someone with chronically malodorous breath, so no one forgets someone with chronically disrespectful speech.
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In This Article
Diagnosing Disrespectful Speech
Before you say, “I don’t have a swearing problem, so I’m good,” consider this: Are you someone who sings “Oh Lord, my God” at church on Sunday, then exclaims “Oh my God!” when your friend gives you exciting news on Monday?
Do you preach about loving your neighbor as yourself, then go and talk about that neighbor behind his back?
Do little white lies roll off your tongue faster than drool off a Saint Bernard?
Are you someone everyone dubs as opinionated or blunt?
If so, it’s time to tame your tongue. Because taming the tongue is about more than simply cleaning up your language.
Tame Your Tongue: Make It Christian Again
James, in the Bible, had a lot to say about tongues:
“The tongue is a small part of the body, but it makes great boasts. Consider what a great forest is set on fire by a small spark. The tongue also is a fire, a world of evil among the parts of the body. It corrupts the whole body, sets the whole course of one’s life on fire, and is itself set on fire by hell.”
James 3:5-6
“Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless.”
James 1:26
Lots of people call themselves Christian but you would never know it by their speech. They gossip for hours on the phone or use foul language without the slightest hint of a blush. They spout off prejudices against the people they’re supposed to be witnessing to. I’ve been that kind of Christian myself, and you probably have, too. According to James 1:26, we’re being fake Christians.
Scary thought? Consider this verse from Luke:
“For out of the overflow of his heart his mouth speaks.”
Luke 6:45
We speak from our hearts, whether intentionally or not. You can wear a Got Jesus? t-shirt and put a bumper sticker with a cute little fish symbol on your car, but if you can’t tame your tongue, you need to examine your heart.
Proverbs on Taming the Tongue
Solomon also warns about the importance of taming the tongue in his Proverbs. I did a quick scan of the 14 chapters he wrote (chapters 10-22 and 25-29) and found mention of lips, mouth, tongue, and speech 66 times.
Take a look at these three:
“The mouth of the righteous is a fountain of life, but the mouth of the wicked conceals violence.”
Proverbs 10:11
“Gracious words are a honeycomb, sweet to the soul and healing to the bones.“
Proverbs 16:24
“When words are many, sin is not absent, but he who holds his tongue is wise.“
Proverbs 10:19 (1984 NIV)
Have you ever considered that your tongue may be doing most of your sinning?
When we talk about sin, the first things that come to mind are usually something along the lines of sexual immorality, murder, hatred, stealing, or cheating. But have you ever considered that your tongue may be doing most of your sinning? Most of us are not murderers, bank robbers, or swindlers, and many of us strive for sexual purity. But, with few exceptions, we all have tongues, and tongues have a way of getting out of control the more they are used.
(If you are a member of the deaf community, I don’t intend to leave you out. Speech is also potent when spoken with the hands!)
“May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.”
-Psalm 19:14
Control Your Speech: 6 Rules For Christian Teens
God called us to be his witnesses, and sometimes our very words are what sends others in the opposite direction. These very specific rules will help you tame your tongue but I will warn you: These aren’t suggestions. They are firm rules for every Christian—and they can be hard to follow.
Rule #1: Drop the profanity.
Swearing sends the message that you don’t value your faith or your God as much as you say you do.
That means all profanity in every circumstance. You probably hear profanity every day, even if you attend a Christian school, and it’s an easy habit to pick up and dismiss as trivial.
But it’s not trivial.
Swear words reveal the filth in your heart and it’s an especially big deal for you as a Christian because it sends everyone else the message that you don’t value your faith or your God as much as you say you do.
You don’t want to be known for having foul breath so why would you want to be known for foul words?
Rule #2: Be careful how you portray yourself and your faith.
If your friends describe you as blunt, opinionated, outspoken, or frank (unless your name is Frank), they’re actually saying you’re harsh, insensitive, and judgmental—the very things that drive nonbelievers further from Christianity.
You are a representative of Jesus. When Jesus was frank with someone, as he often was, it was because he could read into that person’s heart. You are not quite so omniscient, so control your tongue and tread carefully when speaking to and about others.
 “Do not let any unwholesome talk come out of your mouths, but only what is helpful for building others up according to their needs, that it may benefit those who listen.”
Ephesians 4:29
Rule #3: Do not fall into the gossip pit.
Gossip is defined as “casual or unconstrained conversation or reports about other people, typically involving details that are not confirmed as being true.” That casual part gets us all the time. You’re standing in the hallway waiting for the first bell to ring with nothing better to do, so you start casually talking about other people.
“Did you hear what Maya did last weekend?”
“Have you heard that Justin and Sidney broke up?”
“Don’t tell anyone, but I think Anna’s boyfriend might be involved in that plagiarism thing.”
Beware of talking about others under the pretext of “Christian concern.” When you are setting a plan in place to help another, that’s love. But when you are talking about that purpose for the sole purpose of analyzing his or her actions or ideas, that’s gossip.
Don’t gossip. At all.
Rule #4: Drop the vulgarity.
In my yard, two pipes stick out of the ground. One is brown and ugly, the other new and white. If you open the top of the ugly brown one and peer inside, you will not see or smell anything noteworthy. But a handy pump somewhere along the line moves the contents of that pipe into my house, allowing me to turn on my faucet and pour myself a refreshing glass of cool, clean, hydrating water.
What flows from the fountain of your heart: water for parched ground, or black, stinky sewage?
However, if you open the top of the pretty, new white pipe, the stench will knock your socks off and curl your toenails. Nothing but sewage and filth, and your only warning that it’s there is the ghastly smell.
Which pipe are you? What flows from the fountain of your heart: water for parched ground, or black, stinky sewage? Do you use humor and wit to lift up others, or to tell dirty jokes about blonde women and one-night stands?Â
Taming the tongue means dropping all vulgarity now.
Rule #5: Be respectful—in all circumstances.
It’s easy to be respectful to some people—the ones who respect you back or have earned an amount of admiration from you. But everyone deserves a certain level of unconditional respect, regardless of who they are, simply because they are God’s child as well.
Learn more in Why Everyone Deserves Unconditional Respect.
Girls, are you respectful in speech to the boys around you? Take a look at 8 Simple Ways Teen Girls Can Show Respect For Boys.
Rule #6: Apply all of the above to social media.
You wouldn’t believe (or maybe you would) what people will say on Facebook or Twitter that they’d never say to someone in person.
Social media has given us another way to connect with others—and another way to let our wild tongues flap freely in the wind via our keypads. More than one person has lost respect for a “nice” acquaintance after seeing her rants on Twitter.
If you shouldn’t say it out loud to a real person, don’t even think of typing it into your social media feed!
Find more thoughts on controlling your speech on social media in this article from Boundless.
Control Your Tongue, Breathe Life Into the World
May these words of my mouth and this meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, Lord, my Rock and my Redeemer.
-Psalm 19:14
Your speech matters! Examine your hearts, talk to your God, control your speech, and let your mouth be a fountain of life!
More on Christian Conduct for Teens
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
I challenge you to pick up your Bible and check out the multitude of Proverbs that warn us about the importance of controlling your speech.
- If you struggle to control your speech when you’re angry: How to Control Your Anger So Others Can’t Control You.
- Discover a four-step process you can use for making tough decisions about conduct: Biblical Discernment For Teens: How to Make Good Decisions
- Be reminded of why your conduct matters: Made to Stand Out: 7 Virtues For Christian Teens and Let Your Life Be a Glimpse of God’s Glory
- Take a look at how your appearance plays a part in witnessing for Christ: Christian Girls and Fashion: Why is Modesty Important?
