Ladies, let’s talk about respect—that is, respect for guys. Guy friends, boyfriends, and/or (when it applies) husbands. Because they’re constantly reminded to respect you in all capacities.
So do you reciprocate?
“Well, of course I do—when they deserve it! Respect must be earned.”
Uh, yeah. Let’s address that thought. We’ll talk about why and how to respect a guy—any guy, even the unrespectable ones. And while my focus is on Christian relationships, the advice you’ll find here will work for anyone.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
In The Beginning …
The best place to begin any discussion is at the beginning, so let’s go to Genesis—where it all began.
“In the beginning God created the heavens and the earth. . . . and there was light. . . sky. . . dry ground. . . seed-bearing plants and trees. . . stars. . . birds. . . creatures of the sea. . . every winged bird. . . livestock, the creatures that move along the ground, and the wild animals. . . man. . . . God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.
“Except the man. God saw that he was nothing but a blubbering, unfeeling fool, incapable of self-control and unable to figure anything out on his own. So God created woman to help him out.”
I hope you were able to tell where the abbreviated account from Genesis ended and my fictional misrepresentation began. Because, judging by the way the media portrays males today and the way we women talk about them, it seems the lines have been obscured.
Have you noticed?
While researching this post, I found that for every article teaching girls about respect for guys, AT LEAST thirty preach about boys respecting girls. There’s a reason for that, and I won’t argue against it. As a mother of boys, I assure you I am working on that very thing.
But respect goes both ways, and today I want to talk to the ladies.
God Gave His Approval of Males
“God saw all that he had made, and it was very good.”
Genesis 1:31
God was pleased with his creation, and that includes his design of the male human. The Bible does NOT say he created women to be perfect and men to be so-so. It also does NOT say he created women because men were too inept to handle themselves and the world he gave them.
So what does it say?
“The Lord God said, ‘It is not good for the man to be alone. I will make a helper suitable for him.’”
Genesis 2:18
Men and women were made for each other—to help each other in the work that God has given us. Both deserve respect if for no other reason than we were all lovingly created by the same God.
Period.
What Respect Isn’t
Respect does not mean complete subservience to a guy who does not have your best interests in mind. And it doesn’t mean you must be completely passive in your relationship with any male. A boy or man must earn your respect by being someone you can feel safe with. If you don’t feel safe with him, you can and should leave immediately and worry about manners later.
Respect does not mean complete subservience to a guy who does not have your best interests in mind.
But, assuming he’s not a dangerous villain or conniving manipulator intent on harming you, every male you encounter deserves a basic level of respect from you—even the guys you don’t like.
I’m talking about common courtesy. Please and thank you, offering a kind smile, not interrupting when someone is speaking. You should extend these basic manners to everyone.
What about the guy who has earned your trust enough to be your friend or boyfriend? Are you giving him respect that goes beyond the basics?
By being in any kind of relationship with you, he has already earned the right to be respected. This is very important because, where us ladies desire love and affection, guys desire respect. Respect is the fuel that makes his puttering engine roar with life.
So how do we do it?
How to Show Respect For Guys
1) Kindness 101
Guys are pretty good at putting on a tough facade, but even they can be hurt by unkind words and actions—especially when it comes from someone who is supposed to care about them. As with you, words can build up or tear down, encourage or exasperate.
Pay attention to how you talk to him, and how you talk about him. When you talk about him with your friends, are you sharing about the brilliant way he fixed the crumpled bumper of his truck, or are you telling them what an idiot he is for hitting the deer in the first place?
A good rule of thumb is that if you shouldn’t say it about a girl, don’t say it about a boy either. And if you wouldn’t want it said like that to you, don’t say it like that to him.
2) Listen. Value. Repeat
A big part of feeling respected is knowing that the people who love you value your ideas and opinions. This is definitely true of men. That doesn’t mean you have to agree with him. But think about how you would feel if he belittled your ideas every time. Friendships, courtships and, ultimately, marriages grow when both people value each other.
If you’re in a dating relationship, be aware that “no” coming from a guy still means no. Don’t assume all he wants is to go as far with you as you will let him. He has a purity to defend as well, and his personal boundary lines may be tighter than yours.
He has just as much right to say “no” to something that makes him uncomfortable as you do. Listen to him. Value his thoughts. Repeat.
3) Don’t play the manipulation game.
A guy who cares about a woman (whether friend, girlfriend or wife) has a soft spot for her. That soft spot is a beautiful thing because it allows him to love you even when your mascara is smeared, you’re super stressed about your chemistry exam, and you’re PMSing big time.
Don’t abuse it with emotional manipulation.
You don’t need to hide your true emotions, but using tears to get what you want is disrespectful. So is telling him you’ll leave if he doesn’t go along with your idea, or buttering him up so he’ll do what you want. Drop the game and be real.
4) Drama Begins When You Assume
If you watch a lot of TV, you might assume that all men are dumb, clueless, heartless, deranged, wicked,______________ (you can fill in the blank). This is as accurate as the popular assumption that all blondes are dumb, ditzy, self-absorbed and promiscuous.
Don’t fall for it. Don’t assume your guy needs reminding or can’t take care of himself and needs to be treated like a five-year-old—unless you are purposely trying to create drama.
But then, that’s not respectful.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
5) Respect Yourself
Males are visually stimulated. Don’t bother denying it because we all know it’s true. The ones with integrity are trying hard to keep their eyes on your face and not your body. This is a huge sign of respect, and you can reciprocate by being respectful in return and dressing appropriately.
This is an important topic, of which I go into much greater detail in these two articles:
- Is Female Immodesty Responsible for Male Lust?
- What’s the Big Deal About Christian Girls And Modesty?
Check them out!
6) Remember: Males Are Not the Enemy
Girls and women have more opportunities today than ever, allowing us to compete in subjects and careers once held exclusively for boys and men. This is great, but the point is not to beat out the male gender in a “girls rule, boys drool” kind of way.
God created us to complement, not compete with, each other.
7) Step Aside and the Leader Will Arrive
Guys have a natural tendency to fight, protect, and conquer, making them great leaders. Even ones not apt to stand up and make a speech or become CEO of a Big Five company have leadership skills you might not even have realized.
A little encouragement from the women in his life can go a long way.
Show you trust his judgement and decision-making abilities by not scrutinizing and scoffing at every move he makes. You don’t have to be completely passive, but step aside occasionally and let the leader arrive.
8) Joy makes a fabulous gift.
Sometimes, there’s no greater respect than simply letting him see how much you love him for who he is, and that you delight in who God created him to be. Give him a genuine smile. Accept that he’s human. Enjoy him and your relationship with him.
Wouldn’t you want him to do the same for you?
Take it Further: More on Respect For Guys in Christian Relationships
A wonderful article called “What Speaks Respect to Guys?” by Peaceful Single Girl goes more into the why and how of respect for males. And Boundless.org specifically addresses dating relationships in “How can I show respect to my boyfriend?” I encourage you to check these out.
And, of course, we can turn to the foremost authority on relationships by going to the Bible. Proverbs 31:10-31 describes the wife of noble character, a woman who is a great example of love and respect without complete passivity.