This post originally began as a list of myths about sex that teens believe, serving as an extension to my earlier post 7 Common Lies About Sex That Christian Girls Believe. But after compiling the fallacies and composing responses to each, I wasn’t satisfied. Not just because it was too much of the same content found on umpteen other websites but because I consider readers of my blog to already be higher thinkers, and higher thinkers need something more.
After all, the promotional box on every post says I’m a blogger for “teens ready to level up in faith.”
So let’s level up. Because I strongly suspect you already know the truth behind the most common myths about sex. You might think you have questions but the problem isn’t usually lack of knowledge. It’s learning to view sex like someone who truly, truly knows God.
Hey, I’m Lauren, author of YA Christian fiction and
blogger for teens ready to level up in faith.
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In This Article
Knowing God vs. Knowing God in Your Core
Do you know God, or do you know God?
I ask this question because when teens come to me challenging Biblical sexuality or questioning whether this or that is okay, it’s easy to get hung up on details, statistics, case studies, etc. But as we navigate relationships and develop our views on sex, often the issue isn’t whether or not we know better but whether or not we know Him.
You lose the battle against temptation because what you know about God hasn’t penetrated the parts of you that remain bonded to sin.
Think about what happened the last time you lost the battle against temptation, whatever it was. It wasn’t because you didn’t know. You fell because you didn’t take seriously or find joy in what you knew.
In all our questions about sex, that’s the bottom line. You lose the battle against temptation because what you know about God hasn’t penetrated the parts of you that remain bonded to sin.
Knowing God Debunks Myths About Sex
Take this classic myth about sex: “Everybody’s doing it.” It’s an excuse teens use to normalize behavior they know is wrong. I can tell you it isn’t true because every week I’m contacted by readers—girls and boys—who value purity and holy living. But does it really matter who’s doing it? Doing something just because other people are doing it is a cop-out for making your own decisions.
“Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind.”
Romans 12:2
Doing something just because other people are doing it is a cop-out for making your own decisions.
“It isn’t hurting anyone.” This follows the belief that sex between consenting partners is harmless. But barring all discussion on unplanned pregnancy, STD’s, and emotional consequences, the truth is, if it were true that sex outside marriage doesn’t hurt anyone, then God wouldn’t have rules about it.
If you truly know God, then you know he isn’t a mean tyrant who doesn’t want you to experience pleasure. Everything he does or commands is out of love for you. God created sex. He knows its power to bind and break so he gave you an instruction manual (your Bible) for how it can be used safely and effectively.
You don’t have to understand the rules to follow them. Just trust the creator.
Check out Why is Premarital Sex Bad? from the Chasity Project.
In Light of God’s Love: A Biblical View of Sex
You don’t have to understand the rules to follow them. Just trust the creator.
What about the myth that “guys must have sex”? Did God really give males a physical need that must be fulfilled or else?
You can know this is a lie without doing any research on it simply because God would not create males with a critical physical need that can only be satisfied by sex and then tell them they can’t have it. Again, the lie that God wants to torture you. Yes, guys have a persistent sex drive (which is a gift from God, by the way) that includes strong physical urges. But this isn’t an excuse to engage in lustful and sexual behaviors. It’s like an itch that, when scratched, only gets worse to the point of torture.
Guys, if you struggle with this, check out the book Love, Honor, and Virtue: Gaining or Regaining a Biblical Attitude Toward Sexuality (link is to my review). It was written just for you!
What about sexual sin compared to other sins, and the myth that “sex is like any other sin”? If you know God, then you know he sets the standard and the standard is perfection. That means if you’re perfect 99% of the time but commit one little infraction, you’re no longer perfect and you’re in danger of missing out on heaven. The size or severity of the sin doesn’t matter.
(Fortunately, he took care of this every last crumb of sin. Check out Justification by Faith Explained: A Simple High School Analogy.)
So where salvation is concerned, sexual sin is like any other sin. But as far as consequences, it’s vastly different. Sexual immorality is a sin against your own body and affects you deeply.
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18
Learn more about the consequences of sexual sin in this article by Eric Davis.
Myths About Sex that Teens Believe Apart From God
Which leads to this dangerous myth: “Porn is safer.”
I could shock you with statistics about how porn is a serious, life-altering addiction that’s so devastating even secular circles are raising concerns. (FightTheNewDrug.org effectively lays bare the dangers of porn if you’re curious.) But if you know God, you already know what he has to say about that:
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.”
Ephesians 5:3
You can’t justify a porn habit because sexual immorality of any kind is unfitting for you as a child of God. It doesn’t matter that the secular world has been slow to catch on to the dangers of porn. You’re striving for holiness, not the lesser of two evils.
Consider God’s high standards for sexuality in Not a Hint: Living Pure in a Sexual Culture.
“Sex in marriage isn’t that good.” If you’re a teen reading this, I’ll forgive you for not being aware of this one in the same way I would forgive someone who’s only tasted Hershey’s for not realizing Teuscher chocolates are better. And Hollywood is no help. Onscreen, sex between two people who just met seems wild and exciting while sex between a couple married for 20 years seems dry and routine.
But what does Hollywood know? Hollywood doesn’t know God.
What does Hollywood know? Hollywood doesn’t know God.
You know God. You know he loves you and he’s committed to you. That’s how it is with marriage. You’re committed, you love each other, you want what’s best for each other, and you want to please each other. You’re going to have to trust God, not Hollywood or your friend’s divorced parents, on this one.
For a comparison between heaven and marriage, check out Look Forward to Eternity: The Best Is Yet To Come.
Know God, Know the Answers
Those of you who truly know God belong to him, body, mind, and soul, because he dwells inside you. He’s not just walking alongside you like a good friend. He fills up your very essence:
“Do you not know that your bodies are temples of the Holy Spirit, who is in you, whom you have received from God? You are not your own; you were bought at a price. Therefore honor God with your bodies.”
1 Corinthians 6:19-20
So when you encounter the myth that says “I am the master of my body,” you already know the truth. You are not your own. Your body is a temple and should be treated that way.
But the most dangerous myth about sex—the one that fuels all other lies—is the belief that “sex is the greatest thing on the planet.” If you don’t believe that somewhere in your subconscious, you wouldn’t be tempted by sexual sin. Yet so many people believe sex is the height of human pleasure because the truth about God hasn’t truly penetrated their hearts.
God is the greatest source of pleasure, and one not wholly tapped by most of us.
Check out Desiring God as the Ultimate Source of Pleasure.
For Christ’s love compels us, because we are convinced that one died for all, and therefore all died. And he died for all, that those who live should no longer live for themselves but for him who died for them and was raised again.
2 Corinthians 5:14-15
Don’t let myths about sex be a stumbling block to you. Let the truth of God’s love saturate your heart until every molecule of you is eager to live for him. Knowing him, his power, mercy, grace, and love, is the key to sexual purity in a world obsessed with sex.
Biblical Sexuality: More Resources For Teens
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Looking for Biblical advice on sexual matters? Check out my list of 11 Shameless Books On Sex And Gender For Christian Teens.
Posts that answer specific questions posed by Christian teens:
- Is it Actually Wrong to Live Together Before Marriage?
- Is Female Immodesty Responsible For Male Lust?
More articles on Biblical sexuality & purity:
- Christian Romance: The Lie Behind the First Kiss in Fiction
- The Right Reason for Purity: It’s Not What You Think
- The Case For Abstinence: This is What Really Matters
