5 Important Questions About Modesty—And Their Answers

You wouldn’t think that something as simple as modesty for Christian girls and women could cause a great controversy, but it has and continues to do so. After writing several posts on this hotly debated topic, enough questions have been raised that I’d like to clarify a few points. 

This post focuses on five of the most controversial questions about modesty, answered from a biblical perspective.

Common Questions About Modesty

Guys are supposed to control their thoughts. Do I still have to dress modestly for their sake?

In a previous post, Why Modesty Is Important For Christian Girls, I urge young women to avoid becoming a stumbling block for their brothers in Christ. I still stand by that statement.

Everything we do should be done in the context of loving others.

This is probably the most controversial part of modesty. A growing number of feminist influencers argue that it is not a woman’s responsibility to make sure a man’s thoughts stay pure, and they are correct. But (you knew there would be a but), as Christian girls and women, everything we do should be done in the context of loving others. According to 1 Corinthians 13:5, love does not dishonor others and isn’t self-seeking.

No choice is ever purely for ourselves, including how we dress. 

This isn’t a popular idea in our me-first world, but consider this: By always fussing over our appearance and comparing ourselves to other women, we have incorrectly come to view our own bodies as objects. (See For a Positive Body Image, Start With The Truth and Judging Others By Appearances: She’s More Than A Body.)

You are not responsible for someone else’s thoughts, but you have a responsibility to be loving and respectful.

And guys? Guys are fed a culture that promotes the female body as a thing of lust. Enter a woman with a super short, body-clinging dress. How is she not screaming, “Look at me! Check out my body! Feast your eyes!”?

Clearly, both genders struggle with viewing women as objects.

You are not responsible for someone else’s thoughts, but you have a responsibility to be loving and respectful. If you want to help your brothers in Christ see you as a whole person—body and soul—then you must consider how the way you dress might be promoting a different message.

Are guys the only reason I need to be modest?

Absolutely not.

Think of modesty as fighting back against a fashion industry that wants us to believe our value is found in our sex appeal. Every time they roll out another trend that showcases the midriff or involves clothing which more closely resembles a second skin, they are telling us ladies, Your character and intelligence don’t matter, it’s all about how you look.

Think of modesty as fighting back against a fashion industry that wants us to believe our value is found in our sex appeal.

Do you want to buy into that kind of manipulation?

Studies have been done and shown that body-baring and tight clothing lead to hyper awareness of your body. Who hasn’t found herself sucking in her tummy or continually adjusting that piece of clothing that doesn’t cover all? (Like the itsy, bitsy, teeny, weeny, yellow polka-dot bikini.) It’s natural to want to be admired, but sometimes the desire to be noticed hinders our focus and happiness.

A modest dress code lessens the worry about how you look and frees you up to just be and do.

Is it okay to want to look sexy?

You’re not a heathen if you’ve ever looked at yourself in the mirror and wondered if guys would see you as attractive in this outfit. As a woman, I don’t want to be noticed only for my body, but I still want my body to be noticed sometimes. And that’s okay. 

But I want you to remember two things here:

Your appearance is only part of what makes you sexy.

1. Sexual appeal should not be the driving force behind your clothing choices.
2. Never, ever let the fashion industry define what sexual appeal is.

Your appearance is only part of what makes you sexy. Charm and character play a bigger part. And if a guy only thinks you’re sexy if you show off your breasts and legs, he’s probably not the kind of guy you want attention from anyway.

What about guys? Why don’t they ever have to worry about dressing modestly?

That is a very good question—one that isn’t asked often enough.

Guys are not immune from the body-equals-value lie.

I am an advocate for modesty standards in males, too. In a setting where girls should be covered from shoulders to knees, boys should as well. This includes at the pool. (Like that guy strutting around with the chiseled chest. Seriously, this isn’t Baywatch.)

Guys are not immune from the body-equals-value lie. And Christian guys, especially, should hold the same standards of virtue and integrity as Christian girls.

Can I choose a dress code for myself?

Yes—and you should! Modesty isn’t just about covering up. It’s also about choosing clothing that helps you be your most confident self. Clothing that doesn’t get in the way of your pursuits, whether you’re swimming, dancing, running, or simply going about your usual day.

Wouldn’t you rather focus on the exhilarating feeling of the activity rather than on how you look—or whether your clothing is about to betray some part of your body? Don’t let fashion get in the way of being your best for God.

Think of modesty as a tool to show compassion and respect for everyone, including—and maybe especially—yourself. I can help you do that with 5 Practical Steps to a Stylish, Modest Wardrobe.

The Ongoing Controversy Over Modesty for Christian Girls

Modesty, especially for Christian girls and women, will always cause controversy. Gut that’s a good thing. It means people care and are talking about it. Join the conversation!