Christians sometimes come across as being above worldly ways when, in truth, we do not possess some sort of mystical immunity to the lure of sexual sin. In fact, Satan yearns to eat Christians for breakfast, lunch, and supper. He knows Christ defeated him, so the best he can do is take as many casualties as possible.
And he wants you.
His one goal is to separate you from God, and he will use whatever temptation gets the job done. You can blame him for why our culture presents sex outside marriage as a succulent forbidden fruit, with God as the cold-hearted withholder.
These are Satan’s lies.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Satan’s Lies
“Do this. It’s not so bad. You’ll feel great afterwards.”
Temptation requires no invitation. It comes on its own. But it’s your choice to resist or yield. As the adage says, “You cannot prevent the birds from flying over your head, but you can prevent them from building a nest in your hair.” (Trivia question of the day: Who is this quote attributed to? Find out at the end of this post!)
What follows are seven common lies about sex Satan uses (often successfully) to wear down our resistance. The more you listen to any of these, the more likely you are to justify having sex outside marriage is not such a bad thing.
Recognizing the lie is the key to fighting back.
Common Lies About Sex That Christian Girls Believe
1)“We’re in love, so it’s okay.”
By its most basic definition, love means seeking the best for another person regardless of how it does or does not benefit. Be careful to not confuse love with lust, which is self-pleasing and seeks immediate satisfaction.
A guy who truly loves you—rather than lusting after your body—will not pressure you into something that serves himself. He will honor you. Likewise, if you truly love a man, you seek what’s best for him and won’t try to jeopardize his relationship with Jesus.
2)“We’re getting married someday.”
But you’re not married yet.
There is no substitute—no intention good enough, no promise strong enough—for standing before God and committing your life to another in marriage. Just ask the woman who gave herself fully to a man with the expectation of marriage, then finds herself single a year later. Something sacred happens when you make your marriage vows.
If your boyfriend pressures you for sex under the pretext that marriage is just around the corner, make it clear he doesn’t get to enjoy the benefits of the club until he pays the dues!
3)“Sex isn’t a big deal.”
This lie comes straight from pop culture. Sitcoms, chick flicks, a startling number of YA novels nowadays . . . all these show unmarried couples hopping in the sack together, sometimes even before they’ve officially declared themselves a couple!
Seriously?!
That’s not how God intended sex to be used. God’s incredible plan for sex includes oneness, intimacy between two souls, bonding, mystery. The sacred is now portrayed as common and normal.
Psychologists agree that what you do with your body affects your soul. Teens are instructed to protect themselves from pregnancy and disease with condoms, but what protects your mind, soul, and heart? Sex outside the solid bonds of marriage leads to emotional instability and issues with self-esteem, identity, and depression.
Just don’t go there.
4)“Sex will make me feel more secure.”
Every girl, Christian or not, longs to feel attractive and desired. Combine that with every guy’s innate need for sexual release, and you have a disaster waiting to happen. Satan knows this and uses this weakness to set up one of his favorite traps: Telling her that a guy’s sexual desire for her is proof of her value.
If that’s what you believe, you will always have to work to be found sexy and beautiful in order to feel secure.
You are more than a body. Check out my post For a Positive Body Image, Start With The Truth for more.
5)“He will love me more if I am intimate with him.”
So untrue! Sex is not a commodity to be traded for love—your body in exchange for his affection. In marriage, intimacy between two souls is expressed through sex, but sex does not create intimacy.
Any man worth marrying will respect you more if you abstain. “But don’t all guys want sex?” Guys are capable of more self-control than you think. The godly man has the foresight to know it gets better if he waits, and he will fight for purity—yours and his—alongside you.
He’s out there, girls. Guys like this still walk the earth. Wait until you find him, because nothing is impossible with God.
6)“We’re not actually having sex . . .”
Ah, Satan loves this one. He loves to convince Chrisitan girls that what they’re doing with their boyfriends is okay because it “technically” isn’t sex. Making out, touching, sleeping in each other’s beds even if “nothing happened” . . .
If you’re working to justify it, it’s probably not okay.
Take a moment to remind yourself of the point of purity. Purity is not about a strict set of do’s and don’ts. The point of purity is to love God with your whole self—body, mind, soul. It is entirely possible to miss this mark without ever having intercourse.
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality, or of any kind of impurity, or of greed, because these are improper for God’s holy people.” (Ephesians 5:3)
You are precious to God. Be on your guard against anything that threatens to carry you away from him.
See my post: The Right Reason for Purity: Do you know what it is?
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
7)“It’s already too late for me.”
What about those who have already lost their virginity? What’s the point now?
Dear Christian friend, this is a question too deep to answer in a single blip. Please read my post Lost Virginity: Is it Too Late For Me?
Fight the Good Fight
The quote about the birds came from none other than Martin Luther. He understood temptation and sin, and I want you to as well. It is my hope that in exposing these lies, you will be equipped to resist them. As Marian Jordan Ellis says in her book Sex and the Single Christian Girl, “We behave how we believe.” (And that’s a great book, by the way. Check it out!)
You are precious and loved by God. He is worth every sacrifice.
Beautifully written! God always wants the best for us.
Another good article packed with good advice and information. Thank you for sharing your insights with young women and men, as well as the rest of us. Your thoughtful writings inspire even us oldsters to know how to address some of these issues with the young people in our lives. Thank you and God bless your ministry.
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