Here’s a question for you to ponder: Are you happy? Would you, in a general sense, call yourself a happy person? If not, who or what is causing your unhappiness?
I would be happy if…
I were skinny and had clear skin.
I were popular and well-liked.
Everybody believed what I believe.
I could do whatever I wanted without feeling guilty later.
I were 100 percent successful in school and career.
At first glance, it would seem that outside forces are solely to blame for our misery. Things go wrong and there goes our happiness.
Let me challenge that notion with the following statement: The worst offender to your happiness is the one person you have to live with for the rest of your life—you. If you truly want happiness that lasts, you first need to change your thought patterns.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
The Toxic Rut = Negative Thinking Patterns
Under any given circumstance, the little voice inside tells you how you must react and feel, and sometimes that little voice makes a great bully. But, unlike the playground bullies of your childhood, this one won’t knock you down, pull your underwear over your head, and steal your glasses.
This one comes up and sweetly whispers in your ear something that may not sound at all like a lie.
If I introduce myself to those people, they might reject me and I can’t handle rejection.
I can’t be happy until I’m as skinny as that girl over there.
No matter what I do, I just can’t seem to override my desire to indulge in this one little pleasure.
I’m the way I am because I was born that way.
If I share my beliefs with them, they might disagree and that would be horrible.
I can’t let anyone see that I don’t have it all together. I need their respect.
Do you recognize the lies in these statements? Do any of them sound like your own self-talk?
If you tell yourself something often enough, you will start to believe it, even if it’s a lie. French philosopher René Descartes coined the phrase “I think, therefore I am.” But, in truth, he really should have said “I think in order to determine the way I am.”
Our feelings are not caused by our circumstances, but by what we tell ourselves about our circumstances. These are our thought patterns. What you think changes the chemical composition of your brain. And the more you think something, the more it is burned into your mind to keep thinking and believing that way.
The only way out is to switch from negative thinking patterns to truth.
The Ruts We Create
This is where the phrase “stuck in a rut” comes from. Have you ever driven on a two-track road or pushed a wheelbarrow back and forth over the same spot in your yard? It doesn’t take long for a rut to form, and the more you use it, the deeper it gets—and the harder to get out of. There are parts of the Oregon trail where wheel ruts are still visible today!
It is possible to get out of any rut your brain is stuck in and change your thought patterns. But first, you need to recognize where these misbeliefs come from: none other than the Father of All Lies, Satan. Satan’s first tactic is to use your own voice inside your head so that you won’t recognize him. His second tactic is to make the lie sound like a truth.
It’s time to evict the Father of All Lies from your head!
How to Change Your Thought Patterns
The process you use to rid yourself of negative thinking patterns is not complicated. For each misbelief you have about yourself or about your life, follow these three steps:
- Identify the lie you are telling yourself.
- Remove the lie.
- Replace the lie with the truth.
Let’s take a look at one of the above misbeliefs to see how this works:
If I share my beliefs with them, they might disagree and that would be horrible.
1) Identify the Lie
What is the misbelief in this statement? If you share your beliefs with someone else, whether it be about religion or politics or just a simple opinion about what the theme should be for your junior class prom, someone will disagree. That’s the truth.
The lie comes when you tell yourself it would be horrible if they disagreed.
Is it really horrible if someone disagrees with you? Uncomfortable maybe, but will you survive? Do you really have to be loved by everybody in order to be happy? Think of all the ways someone who believes this would be paralyzed in life!
2) Remove the Lie
This is as simple as taking the lie and switching it for the truth: If I share my beliefs with them, they might disagree.
That is now a true statement.
3) Replace the Lie With the Truth
The truth is, as a Christian, your worth and happiness are not dominated by the outside forces of this world. They come through the knowledge of salvation through Jesus and the power of God within. You are complete in him!
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I now live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.” -Galatians 2:20
Therefore, a true statement might sound something like this:
If I share my beliefs with them, they might disagree, but that’s okay because my beliefs are founded on the solid Rock and my worth is dependent on his love for me.
A Word of Caution
Don’t fall for a new lie, one that tells you getting out of a rut should be easy. Remember, the longer you tell yourself a misbelief, the harder it is to change it. But the first step is in knowing—and believing—that you can change it.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Take it Further: Misbelief Therapy
This concept is nothing new, and it’s called misbelief therapy. If you’re struggling with a negative belief about yourself or your life, if you’re battling depression or anxiety, if you have trouble with self-hate or lack of self-control, I highly encourage you to check out the myriad of resources available to you, starting with the book Telling Yourself the Truth: Find Your Way Out of Depression, Anxiety, Fear, Anger and Other Common Problems by Applying the Principles of Misbelief Therapy, by William Backus and Marie Chapian. This is my go-to book, and the authors are Christian counselors.
If your struggle with misbeliefs seems severe and insurmountable, please seek help from a qualified live person. The first misbelief you can change is the belief you can’t change.
Change Your Thought Patterns: More Resources for Christian Teens
- Priceless: Hope For Young Christians Struggling with Low Self-Esteem
- Positive Self-Talk For Christian Teens: Words That Actually Work
Godspeed on your journey for the truth!