Sex sells.
According to multiple sources across the net, roughly 85% of movies—including 68% of G-rated movies(!)—contain sexual content ranging from innuendo to full-out intercourse. Approximately 73% of all music videos contain sexual content, with the highest percentages in Hip-Hop and R&B. For video games rated “teen,” over 30% include sexual content. Magazines are rife with it. And, as an avid reader and writer of teen fiction, I can honestly say the prevalence of sexual scenes and themes in reading material geared toward young adults has skyrocketed over the past decade.
And that’s just our media consumption.
What about everyday life? Are you aware of just how sexualized our culture is—and how that impacts your own decisions? Living pure in a sexual culture doesn’t happen by accident. The teen who wants to live a pure and holy life must actively fight for it, 24/7.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Sexual Immorality: The Blind Spot In Our Culture
“Although he did not remove the high places, Asa’s heart was fully committed to the Lord all his life.”
1 Kings 15:14
“The high places, however, were not removed, and the people still had not set their hearts on the God of their ancestors.”
2 Chronicles 20:33
In the grueling history recorded in Kings and Chronicles, this phrase—“the high places, however, were not removed”—occurs multiple times, always in conjunction with a change of leadership. And always regarding the reign of a God-fearing king. “High places” were places of Pagan worship (often built on a hill, hence their name) that had become so culturally accepted, even righteous kings overlooked them.
“High places” had become so culturally accepted, even righteous kings overlooked them.
In his book The Hole in Our Holiness, Kevin DeYoung calls sexual immorality our “high place.” And he’s right.
No one bats an eye anymore when another unmarried couple moves in together. In the car, we belt out the lyrics to our favorite songs without realizing how they objectify women and normalize casual sex. Ads with scantily clad women and seductively posed guys slap us from all sides, yet we’re numb to their assault. And look in your closet. I bet you have something—or many things—that hug your body and drive eyes to all the “right” places.
The world has squeezed you into its mold without you realizing it. And the high places remain.
Defining Sexual Immorality According to the Bible
“Flee from sexual immorality. All other sins a person commits are outside the body, but whoever sins sexually, sins against their own body.”
1 Corinthians 6:18:
This is probably the Bible’s most blatant call to living pure in a sexual culture but, of course, many people soften its meaning by redefining sexual immorality to fit cultural norms. (Again, the high places.)
God is very clear, however. In the original Greek, “sexual immorality” was denoted by the word porneian, which is the broadest category of sexual sin. This included adultery (sex between a married person and someone who is not his/her spouse), fornication (sex between two persons who are not married to each other), prostitution, and homosexuality. (Our modern word pornography comes from this.)
Basically, porneia is anything that would anger and/or hurt you if you found out your boyfriend, girlfriend, or spouse were doing it with something else.
What does God say you should do about it?
Flee! Don’t experiment. Don’t explore or dabble in it. Don’t test your resolve or use it to “find yourself.”
Flee sexual immorality and embrace a life of purity and holiness.
The Ultimate Marriage Union
Now that we’ve laid all that icky stuff on the table, let’s look at something deep and valuable.
In contrast to cohabitation (see my post Is it Actually Wrong to Live Together Before Marriage?), marriage is an all-in bond. Either you’re married or you’re not, there’s no in-between. You are equals, and equally responsible for maintaining the integrity of your relationship. This is important to remember when you commit yourself to another at the altar, but for those of you who are still years away from that prospect, this still applies.
Your relationship with Jesus is a marriage.
“I am jealous for you with a godly jealousy. I promised you to one husband, to Christ, so that I might present you as a pure virgin to him.”
2 Corinthians 11:2
“I will betroth you to me forever; I will betroth you in righteousness and justice,
Hosea 2:19
in love and compassion.”
“Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
Ephesians 5:25
This is an equal relationship, not a master-slave bond. He gives, you give. He gave himself up for you, you give yourself up for him. Don’t let our culture of immorality mislead you. Embrace the holy life for the one who loves you more than anyone else ever could.
Living Pure in a Sexual Culture: Practical Matters
“But among you there must not be even a hint of sexual immorality.”
Ephesians 5:3
Live Pure in Dating: How far is too far?
This is one of the top questions young adult Christians ask about dating (see The Ultimate Teen’s Guide to Christian Dating: Your Top 20 Questions Answered). Is holding hands at school okay? Kissing? Snuggling in a dark room while you watch a movie? Experimenting in the back seat of your boyfriend’s car?
As I said in The Ultimate Guide, “How far is too far?” is the wrong question to ask. Instead, ask yourselves, “How can we treasure Christ with our relationship?” Your main goal in all relationships is to glorify God. Ephesians 5:3 says not a hint. That’s a steep order—but you can do it.
Rather than focusing on how you’re boyfriend and girlfriend, see each other as brother and sister in Christ. Would you do this thing you’re considering with your real brother? Ick, of course not. Then maybe you shouldn’t do it with your brother in Christ.
No one has ever regretted what they didn’t do before marriage
No one has ever regretted what they didn’t do before marriage but plenty bear lifelong regret and consequences for things they did do pre-marriage. You’re not married until you’re married. Don’t do shady things with someone else’s future spouse. And if you’ve found the one and know you’re going to marry? Skip the long engagement. Steeper temptation is a high price to pay for a fancier wedding.
Live Pure in Media Consumption
This is hard because sexuality is practically shoved in your face wherever you go, and most of us are completely unaware of it. If you’re curious, I invite you to try this experiment:
Go on a media fast for one month. (It needs to be long enough so that you’re past the inevitable withdrawal period.) Turn off the television and radio, postpone checking out more titles on your fiction reading list, and take a complete vacation from social media. (Don’t forget to turn off notifications.) Give yourself time to adjust to the “silence.” Then go back and see what you notice when you are no longer numb to it.
I bet you will be shocked at the content you used to consume without question.
Sexuality is practically shoved in your face wherever you go, and most of us are completely unaware of it.
Why do we allow such shocking content to become normalized? If you wouldn’t watch two people rolling in the sheets in real life, why is it okay to watch it on TV? If sitting next to a couple making out is uncomfortable, why is it okay to step into their minds through the explicit descriptions of a novel?
Don’t become desensitized to the presence of high places! Flee sexual immorality until there is not a hint inside you.
Live Pure In Appearance
I talk about modesty and Christian clothing choices elsewhere on this blog, so to answer this, I’m going to direct you to those posts:
- 5 Important Questions About Modesty—And Their Answers
- Clothed In Christ: A Christian Girl’s Perspective on Fashion
- Is Female Immodesty Responsible For Male Lust?
- Christian Girls and Fashion: Why is Modesty Important?
“For you were once darkness, but now you are light in the Lord. Live as children of light.”
Ephesians 5:8
Living Sexually Pure: More Resources for Christian Teens
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
On dating relationships:
- Check out my list of Nonfiction Books on Dating For Christian Teens
- Discover the deeper meaning behind your dating relationships with Christian Dating: More Than Just “Lead us not into temptation”?
- The Case For Abstinence: This is What Really Matters
- Watch for a list of nonfiction books about sex & sexuality for Christian teens, coming next month! (Subscribe to my blog so you don’t miss it.)
On all-around holy living:
Dig into the real purpose of your life…
- The Right Reason For Purity: It’s Not What You Think
- Following God’s Rules: The Right Questions to Ask
- What is Holiness? How Genuine Faith Goes Beyond Obedience
- Happiness & Holiness: Aim High, Go For Both
Finally, clear up some of your misconceptions about purity in 10 Things Purity Was Never Meant to Be (article from The Rebelution).