Popular culture will tell you to forget it.
Abstinence is impossible, so why bother? Everyone is sleeping with everyone else, and surely—surely—you’re the only virgin in your school. After all, everyone knows teens and young adults have little self-control and even less interest in purity.
What do you think of assumptions like that?
I’ll tell you what I think: If you’re a young adult reading this post right now, you’ve already proven them wrong. You clicked into this because you want to know the case for abstinence—why it matters, what the beneifits are, whether it’s worth the hassle—either to finally answer that question for yourself or to cement your argument when the issue comes up within your social circle.
As it will.
I also believe teens and young adults are capable of much higher thinking than we give them credit for. But I don’t expect you to blindly follow a belief system without knowing the truths that back it up. It’s my hope the answers in the post will ground you in a conviction for purity that the world doesn’t expect you to possess.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Why It’s Hard to Make a Case For Abstinence
Purity is important for Christians. But Christians who abstain from swearing, cheating, lying, and murder will balk over the importance—and feasibility—of abstinence.
For most, it’s not too hard to refrain from murder or theft.
Why is it so difficult to make a case for abstinence? Because, well, abstinence is difficult. For most Christians, it’s not too hard to refrain from murder or theft. But then God gives us the command: “You shall not commit adultery,” and suddenly we’re shifting nervously because at some point—either in the mind or with the body—we’ve all struggled with some aspect of this sin.
Being a Christian does not exempt you from worldly temptations.
The #1 Reason Why Abstinence is Important
Sources listing the top benefits of abstinence will often cite prevention of STD’s and unplanned pregnancies. Some will also list the emotional benefits chastity offers. Indeed, all these are true, but they are not the main reason abstinence is important.
C.S. Lewis said it best through the mouth of his fictional character Screwtape in The Screwtape Letters:
“Much of the modern resistance to chastity comes from men’s belief that they ‘own’ their bodies…”
The Screwtape Letters
If you are not familiar with 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, this statement might come as a shock to you, but it’s true. You do not own your body. You were bought at a price and now exist as a temple of the Holy Spirit. Essentially, that makes your body the property of God.
Does that bother you? You’re not alone. If chastity is an unpopular idea, being purchased from one master only to become subject to another is equally unpopular.
But consider this: God loves you more than you love yourself. He’s a master who desires to keep you safe from other masters who do not have your best interests in mind. His command for purity comes out of a deep desire to bless you with all that he has to offer—the greatest of which is a secure relationship with him.
He purchased you through the blood of Christ and made you holy. Which gives us the main reason why abstinence matters:
Truth #1: You were bought at a price by someone who loves you more than yourself.
I go deeper into this in my post The Right Reason For Purity: It’s Not What You Think, and I encourage you to check it out. For now, bask in the true depth of God’s love for you. In this context, purity makes sense. Your body is meant to honor God, and doing so according to his standards is one of the best ways to show your love in return.
You don’t simply give up sexual gratification for the sake of following a rule. You give it up for the sake of union with Christ.
Related: Happiness & Holiness: Aim High and Go For Both
Other Reasons Why Abstinence Is Important
Following God’s commands in an effort to return his love is really the only basis we need to make a case for abstinence. But for those of you who are convinced God is being mean by forbidding you to do something so tempting and pleasurable, let’s consider the practical reasons why he commands purity through abstinence.
Truth #2: Abstinence Gives You a Chance to Love Someone Else As Christ Loved You
Every act of sexual intimacy always, always, involves someone else. If it’s sex, it’s your partner. With pornography or lust, it’s the person you are viewing, who becomes an object of gratification. And if an unplanned pregnancy occurs, you’ve just created a life that can never shake free of your choice.
When physical intimacy seems like the best way to express your love, consider this:
“Let’s live together for awhile so we can make sure that we’re right for each other,” is really saying “I love you, but not enough to commit to you for life no matter what.”
“We both agree that we want to do this,” is code for “We mutually agree to use each other for self-gratification.”
“It’s nobody else’s business,” means overlooking the young eyes that are watching you and wondering if they should follow your example.
The only option that puts the needs of others before your desires is to say, “I care about you enough to save sex for the committed union of marriage and to follow God’s plan for holiness.”
Many young people are startled to learn—too late—that sex is not the ultimate binding action in a relationship. It won’t create love where none existed previously and, in fact, many young men have admitted to having a lower opinion of a girl after engaging in sexual intimacy with her. (See the data to back this up in the eye-opening book For Young Women Only, by Shaunti Feldhahn.)
Don’t be the one who comes between someone else and Christ. Encourage each other in purity and holiness.
Related: 7 Common Lies About Sex That Christian Girls Believe
Truth #3: The Gift is Awesome—And Dangerous
Ever received a cool but potentially hazardous gift? The Easy Bake Oven is one example. A popular gift for little girls way back when, this set came complete with a baking pan, spatula, brownie mixes…and a real, pint-sized oven.
The earliest models could heat to 350 degrees, hot enough to cook a chicken breast. If you got an Easy Bake Oven for Christmas, you had to follow a lot of rules when using it or risk burning your house down.
So it is with sexual intimacy.
Sex is a gift from God. He does not expect us to abstain forever, but he knows where its full potential can be safely enjoyed—inside marriage—which is why he gave explicit instructions on how to use it. He doesn’t want you to get burned through inappropriate use.
And since he created it, his instructions make the most sense. Respect the dangers of the gift.
Related: Following God’s Rules: The Right Questions to Ask
One Beautiful Truth: His Grace Is Overflowing
Lust and adultery have serious consequences, but they aren’t unforgivable. Find power in the blood of Christ to turn away from sin and discover God’s forgiveness and grace. If you’re struggling with shame over past sins, see my post Lost Virginity: Is It Too Late For Me?
Further Reading For Christian Teens
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Are you a fiction lover? See the truths in the post come to life in my short story A Time to Wait: Seasons of Kane #3. Get this ebook and many others for FREE when you subscribe to my blog!
Learn more facts not only on why abstinence is important, but also on the reality of cohabitation in Is It Actually Wrong to Live Together Before Marriage?
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