Is kissing okay in YA Christian fiction, or should authors of books for Christian teens steer readers away from all forms of physical intimacy?
A few weeks ago, I received an email from a thoughtful reader who strongly believed kissing scenes did not belong in books for Christian teens, her reason being that kissing arouses unhealthy feelings and desires. This topic came up because my YA short story, The Green Grass Grows Again, is a mini romance featuring blossoming feelings between two teens who share a kiss.
Some people believe teens shouldn’t date, period. Your parents might be in that category, and maybe it’s a source of constant frustration for you. But that’s a topic for another post (see Question #1 in The Ultimate Teen’s Guide to Christian Dating). For now, let’s focus strictly on the debate over kissing in YA Christian fiction.
Let me make something clear right off: Everything that follows is based on my convictions, which are biblically founded, but nowhere in the Bible does God give a certain command on this topic. This is an area where we have the chance to exercise the Christian discernment mentioned in Philippians 1:9-10.
So, with the Holy Spirit’s guiding, let’s take some time to thoughtfully consider two questions: Is kissing okay in YA Christian fiction—and should YOU be choosing books that feature teen romance for yourself?
Hey, I’m Lauren, author of YA Christian fiction and blogger for teens with higher aim.
In This Article
The Command: Flee From Sexual Immorality
“Christians shouldn’t drink alcohol.”
“Dancing is a sin.”
“Christian girls should only wear long skirts.”
“Video games are from the devil.”
Problems arise when Christians make blanket statements where the Bible doesn’t, as in the examples above. There may be a logical reason or kernel of truth in each of those, but God didn’t make those statements, which means they may not be true for all people in all situations.
Problems arise when Christians make blanket statements where the Bible doesn’t.
The Bible clearly defines sex outside of marriage as a sin (Hebrews 13:4), but kissing? That’s less black-and-white. God does not say thou shalt not kiss until your wedding day. He does, however, say, “Flee from sexual immorality,” in 1 Corinthians 6:18. I go into more detail about what that means in Not a Hint: Living Pure in a Sexual Culture, but in a nutshell, fleeing from immorality means also avoiding triggers. And that is what concerned the aforementioned reader. She deeply believes kissing is a trigger.
She’s not wrong. Kissing can be a trigger, especially the kind of kissing that happens in certain YA books, where the couple is lying down in a dark room together and tongues are involved. But what about a non-descript kiss between two people who care deeply about each other while also craving righteousness? What about someone who is pursuing holiness within romance?
“Love does not delight in evil BUT rejoices with the truth.”
1 Corinthians 13:6
As I said in The Holy Teenage Life: Real Faith, Real Happiness, holiness is not generic. There’s only one way to heaven (Jesus), but there isn’t one way to live a holy life. You can live a holy life as a single, or as a committed partner in a dating relationship. The person who saves her first kiss for her wedding day isn’t necessarily serving God better than the one who shared a few kisses beforehand.
What matters more is your heart.
Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.
John 14:23
A lot of conservative Christians believe teens should avoid romance altogether, a conviction largely based on observation, personal experience, and sometimes fear. If you are a teen who is strongly committed to holding off on kissing and/or dating, great! Stick with your convictions and pursue holiness as a single. But be careful of preaching a message God didn’t send, which is ALL dating and romance is sinful for ALL teens.
So…Is Kissing Okay In YA Christian Fiction?
Honestly? I believe YA Christian fiction is the BEST place for a kiss to happen. YA Christian fiction offers Christian teens an opportunity to see real-life examples of godly relationships and try out a romantic relationship with Christ at the center. My novel Edges & Other Hard Things includes a romantic plotline that is meant to inspire young readers to do better and be better. And yes, there is some kissing.
Well-written YA Christian fiction is also an opportunity for young Christians to see what happens when sin is left unchecked and Christ isn’t at the center of a relationship. Christian authors have a responsibility toward their reader to show the truth—the blessings, but also the struggles.
I believe YA Christian fiction is the BEST place for a kiss to happen.
So those books where two people are making out while lying down alone in a dark room without once struggling against the desire to go further? Totally misguiding readers. (There is a mainstream author of clean YA romances whose stories I love, but who consistently gets this wrong. Her characters all have a supernatural sort of self-control that is very unrealistic!)
As I said in my response to the inquisitive reader, a well-written Christian romance can provide a model for young people to follow. Rather than pretending romance doesn’t exist, wholesome fiction gives examples of striving for purity and holiness in a relationship. There may be kissing in some of my books, but I also plan to bring a YA Christian fiction book to the market that features a romance without kissing. Either way can be holy!
Related: 5 Terrific Reasons Why Christian Teens Should Read Fiction
The Ministry of YA Christian Fiction
YA Christian fiction isn’t just an entertainment industry. It’s a ministry, whether the reader knows it or not. Christian authors are called to spread messages of salvation, hope, forgiveness, and God’s love, though how we go about it varies from one author to another.
My mission, as stated on my About page, is “to embolden Christian teens to outwardly live what they inwardly believe, and to encourage non-Christians to consider the life that could be theirs with Jesus as their Savior.” I want to encourage you to live in holiness and glorify God in everything you do—including your relationships.
It is quite possible for Christian teens to serve God in romance, and fiction can show you how.
Cautions About Kissing in YA Fiction
Caution #1: Books for Christian Teens are Still Fiction
After laying out why wholesome, faith-based romance CAN be a model for godly relationships, I’m now going to turn around and remind you that . . . IT’S STILL FICTION! Not every book bearing labels like “clean,” “wholesome,” or “Christian” offers an accurate portrayal of real-life romance. Some of this is accidental, some is intentional.
An example is the occurence of the first kiss. In fiction, it usually ignites the relationship because that’s what readers expect, and who wants to follow a couple through two years of dating before witnessing their first kiss? In reality, it’s better to hold off on the first kiss, for a while at least.
Check out my post Christian Romance: The Lies Behind the First Kiss in Fiction to be sure what you enjoy in fiction doesn’t twist your expectations for real-life relationships.
Caution #2: You Must Know Thy Self!
The Bible doesn’t forbid kissing in YA Christian fiction, but that doesn’t mean it’s okay for everyone.
You must be a discerning reader. If you can’t read a scene of light kissing without imagining the characters taking it further, romance fiction is not a good idea for YOU. The same is true if you’re addicted to romances and hating your life because why can’t I find a guy like that?
You must be a discerning reader.
If that’s you, skip my short story The Green Grass Grows Again, and read One White, Dark Night or The Day Hanna Hosanna Helped Cootie Judy instead, neither of which delve into romance at all. My post YA Fiction For Younger Teens: 10+ Books to Enjoy Now! features books that de-emphasize romance and focus on other plot lines. Also, Love & Luck by Jenna Evans Welch, Because of You by Hannah Currie, and Swimming in a Sea of Stars by Julie Wright—all from my list of 9+ Low-Violence YA Books (That Aren’t Just Romance)—have no kissing and very little romance. And many of the books on my list of Clean YA Fiction for Teen Boys Who Want Awesome, Not Awkward have very little romance. (Because boys would rather watch two guys punching each other in a ring than yawn through somebody kissing someone else.)
Content review sites like BusyMomsReadToo are also great for alerting you to all manner of content.
Looking for a list of YA fiction that eschews romance?
If this is something you’d find helpful, drop me a comment below or shoot me a message. If there’s enough interest, I will compile a list of YA fiction that is Christian-friendly and romance-free and post it on this blog.
If you are uncomfortable with kissing or the idea of teens dating, who says you have to read romance novels? There are plenty of other options. Stick with your convictions. Just be careful not to pass judgment on your peers who might be serving God just as heartily with different convictions.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Thank you, Lauren!!
I have wondered what people think about kissing because it necessarily isn’t “spice” but some people think its wrong. I don’t personally feel bothered, but I do know people haven’t agreed with it. I do agree it can be a trigger, depending on the situation.
I agree with all of that. The dark room situation is not realistic or healthy to read.
Thanks so much! This is super informative and is a great resource for teens who want more information on a topic that doesn’t have much light shed on it. I love your blog and look forward to more posts in the future.