How to Invite Someone to Church—Without Being Weird

Ready for some honesty? 

I dread inviting people to church. Just the thought of approaching a friend with an invitation to worship knots my stomach in highly unpleasant ways—so much that I questioned whether I was really the best person to write about how to invite someone to church.

And based on the number of queries I receive from people searching “invite a friend to church,” I’m not the only one who struggles with this.

The fear we feel over this is self-centered—how I’m going to look, how I’m going to feel.

Why are we so afraid? You don’t find loads of articles on “how to invite a friend to an amusement park” or “how to invite someone to a study group.” But church, the place where our souls are fed and we get to lift our voices in worship to the God who wants us to spend eternity in paradise?

Yeah, that scares us.

Here’s the deal: The fear we feel over this is self-centered—how I’m going to look, how I’m going to feel when my friend turns me down. What if we shift the focus to the friend who could potentially reap eternal benefits, all because you took one small chance?

Let’s get practical about how to invite someone to church. I might even learn a thing or two myself. 🙂

Common Reasons Why People Don’t Go to Church

The first step in knowing how to invite someone to church is to figure out why they aren’t there in the first place. Not every reason is bathed in hostility. For younger folks—teenagers—it might simply be that they were never introduced to Jesus. Church isn’t part of their family tradition so they aren’t even aware of its importance.

They’re not believers simply because they’ve never heard the gospel.

For a closer look at some of these common reasons why people don’t go to church, check out this article by Carey Nieuwhof.

Each person you approach with an invitation to worship comes from a different background and different experiences. There’s no cookie-cutter this-is-exactly-how-you-do-it approach to inviting friends to church.

But there are some basic steps you can follow.

How to Invite Someone To Church

1) Pray

If you’re surprised by this first step, you definitely need to read my post The Remarkable Privilege of Prayer, and then Proverbs 16:3. In this context, prayer accomplishes two things:

1. It connects you with God so your plans align with his will.
2. It reminds you of who’s really leading this—God, not you.

2) Consider

Why bother inviting friends to church at all? The current mentality is “I believe what I believe, you believe what you believe, and we’ll agree to disagree.” Therefore, inviting someone to church often comes off as arrogant—one person suggesting another person is wrong or somehow lacking. Can’t have that, can we?

Except, what if you really are the one who’s right? And your friend’s wrongness means he’ll go to hell?

Friends don’t let friends go to hell. 

Jesus answered, “I am the way and the truth and the life. No one comes to the Father except through me.”

John 14:6

Jesus is the only way. It really does matter what you believe. When you invite someone to church, do it out of concern for that person’s soul.

3) Remember

No one can say, “Jesus is Lord,” except by the Holy Spirit.

1 Corinthians 12:3

You might be the one doing the asking, but the Holy Spirit is the one who softens hearts and creates faith. So whatever happens after this, don’t take it personally—and don’t take too much credit for it. You are God’s instrument, and he often gives us the privilege of taking part in leading someone else to him. But he’s the one who works in that person’s heart.

That should take some of the pressure off. But that doesn’t mean rush in without thinking.

4) Talk

This is where you finally approach your friend and start the conversation. Yes, I said conversation. That means you don’t walk up to someone, ask if they want to go to church, then shuffle away, patting your back for doing your duty.

Asking someone to church is not a question, but a conversation.

Asking someone to church is not a question, but a conversation—one that often carries on over a period of days, weeks, or longer.

Remember: Your concern is for their soul, so start by asking questions.

When you’re not sure whether they attend a church:

Start with: “I was wondering, do you go to church anywhere?”

If they answer yes: That’s not the end of the conversation! Regular church attendance is not an automatic indicator of faith. That’s great if they go to church (and you should say so). Now follow up and learn more.

What church do you attend? What do you like about it? Do you still have questions about the Bible or faith?

This opens the conversation to deeper topics where you can learn exactly what they believe and whether their church is serving their spiritual needs. Not all churches are Bible-based, and not all preachers take the time to fully answer members’ questions—especially if that member is a teen.

If they answer no: Follow up with an invite. 

If you’re ever looking for a great place to go, I go to (insert your church here) and would love to see you there! 

Friendly, simple, and done. You aren’t making any assumptions that they’re looking for a place of worship, and you’re leaving the decision up to them. At this point, some people might ask more questions, giving you the opportunity to share more about your church, your faith, etc. It’s a sign they’re open to hearing more, so go for it!

But if they don’t ask further questions, let it be—for now. You’ve asked, you’ve planted the idea, now let it sit and come back to it later.

When you know someone doesn’t attend a church: 

Ask a question: “Did you ever go to church when you were growing up?”

When posed in a neutral, genuinely curious tone, this opens a conversation that will ultimately give you more insight into your friend’s experience with church and Christianity. Find out where they fit in the Reasons Why People Don’t Go to Church list. Following up with more questions—and listening in earnest—shows concern for your friend and will help you better understand where she’s coming from.

“Have you ever thought about going back to church?”

“What is it you didn’t like about your church?”

“What about Christianity as a whole? What issues do you have with it?”

“Do you read the Bible? Pray?”

The answers you receive will give you valuable information in helping you customize your approach, which might include noting how your church is different or sharing an online sermon series or devotional with him. You might end the conversation with an invitation—or you might table that for another day and keep a running dialogue about faith matters until then. 

The Bottom Line, No Matter Which Approach You Take

 Let your conversation be always full of grace, seasoned with salt, so that you may know how to answer everyone.

Colossians 5:6

Be kind, compassionate—and listen! When you take the time to do these things, most people will respond in kind, even if they are not interested.

If They Don’t Accept Your Invitation

A “no thanks” won’t kill you—but a “yes” could change someone’s life forever.

1. Don’t take it personally. Remember, this is between your friend and God. You’re the eager messenger. A “no thanks” won’t kill you—but a “yes” could change someone’s life forever. So pick up the pieces and keep inviting friends to church! 
2. No today doesn’t mean no forever. Someone who turns you down simply isn’t ready at this time, for one reason or another. Let it sit for a moment and look for ways to approach the subject again. (Just don’t be a pest.)
3. Keeping praying. Never underestimate the power of prayer. (See Why Should I Keep Praying For an Unbelieving Friend?)
4. Lead by example. Your conduct—the way you speak, the way you act, the things you refuse to do, and the things you choose to do—is possibly the most effective way of leading someone to faith. When they see your kindness and patience in a world where kindness and patience are rare, they will be curious about what makes you tick, possibly leading to more conversations about faith.

“Let your light shine before others, that they may see your good deeds and glorify your Father in heaven.”

Matthew 5:16

If They Do Accept Your Invitation

Feel free to show your happiness (but not in an overwhelming way). Then, as Sunday approaches, you can let them know what to expect when they come to your church.

• What is worship like? Your friend might appreciate a quick heads-up if you have loud music and rowdy services.
• What do people wear? This might sound like a silly detail, but nothing is more embarrassing than showing up someplace over- or underdressed. Your congregation might not care if your friend arrives in jeans, but if he looks around and sees most of the guys are in slacks and the ladies in sundresses, he’ll feel conspicuous—and won’t want to come back.
• How long is the service? Be considerate of your friend’s time. If she’s expecting an hour-long gig and your church services regularly top two hours, this could create a buckle in her schedule, especially if she has other plans for the afternoon.

• Don’t give any negative disclaimers. This is super important. Warnings like “Our pastor is long-winded,” or “The organist can’t keep time” will only draw your friend’s focus to the bad parts of your church—when they might not have bothered him if you hadn’t pointed them out. Please read my post When You’re Too Embarrassed to Invite Friends to Church.
• Be with them the whole time. You invited her so the two of you could worship together. So do it! She’s taking a huge step out of her comfort zone. The least you can do is make it a little easier. If you can’t sit next to her because you have to play in the worship band, pair her up with another “buddy” whom you believe she’ll be comfortable with (another friend, your mom, an older mentor whom you’re close too, etc.). This is a simple courtesy.

What If…It Works?

What if the person you ask says yes? And what if, when he joins you at church, he finds genuine community and acceptance for the first time? What if it ignites his faith, helps him find his identity in Christ, and gives him the first taste of the true joy and confidence found only through fellowship with God?

It’s worth risking rejection for that amazing “what if.”

“What, after all, is Apollos? And what is Paul? Only servants, through whom you came to believe—as the Lord has assigned to each his task. I planted the seed, Apollos watered it, but God has been making it grow. So neither the one who plants nor the one who waters is anything, but only God, who makes things grow.”

1 Corinthians 3:5-7

God will use you through something as simple as an invitation to worship. Plant the seed, and He will do his part.

So who are you going to invite this week?

Church & Evangelism: More Resources For Christian Teens

• Why Young Christians Absolutely Need to Go to Church
• Why is Evangelism Important? Share the Hope of Eternity
• 3 Steps to Confident Evangelism (article from The Rebelution)—this talks about the different styles of evangelism and how you can discover yours