“Be holy, because I am holy.“ – Leviticus 11:45
There exists in the Roman Catholic Church a strict order of monks known to most as the Trappists. Trappists surrender all personal possessions for a life of tight dietary regulations, complete obedience to superiors, round-the-clock prayer, and a minimum daily requirement of manual labor. Speech is allowed but discouraged and meals are void of red meat. By their own words: “In simplicity, silence and separation from dominant culture, we balance the practices of prayer, reading and work.”
Whether consciously or not, I think a lot of people equate holiness and holy living to this sort of stripped-down, sacrificial life. After all, holiness is supposed to be a cross to bear, right? Discipline and rules and abstaining from things like cussing, sex, and steamy romance novels? All work, no fun—and holy bonus points to the guy who joins a monastery.
But is that what holiness really means? Is it a sliding scale with “holy” and “happy” at opposite ends, and the closer you get to one the further you move from the other?
What does a holy teenage life look like?
I’ll answer those questions in a moment, but let me start with a spoiler: Happiness and holiness are not inverses of each other. In fact, happiness and holiness are like love and marriage.
You can’t have one without the other.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
What Holiness is NOT
Let’s start here because I’m pretty sure most people (not just teens) view holy living as some sort of ball and chain or community service project. You can’t define what holiness is until you know what it isn’t.
Holiness is not merely being “gooder.”
Sometimes Christians look at religion like it’s a moral checklist.
Do not kill—check. Do not cuss—check. No sex with your boyfriend—check.
But there’s no heart in that, only a sense of duty to NOT do, rather than a desire to DO. But Jesus says, “If you love me, keep my commands.” (John 14:15). He’s not interested in a robotic performance of virtue. He wants your love, and he tells you here how to show it: through action.
Holiness is not about “finding yourself.”
In secular culture, the person who is confident in herself is revered. The problem is, many people “find” themselves in a lifestyle of sin—idolatry, homosexuality, lust, greed, etc. This is the world’s definition of being true to yourself, and rather than freeing you, it confines you to a certain standard of tolerance and diversity.
The surest way to crush holiness is to follow your own desires and whims. But fear not. Those desires and whims will change as you pursue holiness.
The surest way to crush holiness is to follow your own desires and whims.
Holiness is not worldliness.
You can’t call yourself holy just because you’re nice. Plenty of unbelievers are “nice” people—that is, they tolerate a wide variety of lifestyles and never hurt anyone’s feelings by saying they’re wrong.
That’s worldliness, not holiness. Worldliness means being nice, but holiness means radical love. It means resisting the mold the world wants you to fit in for the sake of loving your God. It means loving your peers with truth instead of watching them wander into a cloud of lies. The world does not understand holiness, and won’t appreciate your pursuit of it. But that’s okay. You’re not looking to please the world.
Worldliness means being nice, but holiness means radical love.
Holiness is not generic.
If you’re thinking about the Trappists and how holy their lifestyle is compared to yours, you’re missing the point. Trappists pursue holiness by removing distractions and finding fulfillment in a life of minimalism and servanthood. But theirs isn’t the only way to pursue holy living—nor is it the superior way. Don’t assume that, because you haven’t sacrificed as much, you’re less holy.
So too with wearing hats to church, bowing your head when you pray, or making the sign of the cross over yourself. These are all common spiritual practices, but they in themselves do not make a person holy. Optimus Prime could bow his head for prayer—and he’s a robot.
Don’t be a robot. Be holy.
What is Holiness?
“Holy” is officially defined as “sacred; dedicated or consecrated to God,” which God himself confirms in Leviticus 20:26:
“You are to be holy to me because I, the Lord, am holy, and I have set you apart from the nations to be my own.”
The holy teenage life means living in such a way that it is evident you are “set apart” for God. It goes far beyond mere obedience. You’re not just touched, but transformed by the Spirit.
Holiness means being like God.
(Notice I said LIKE God, not that you’re supposed to BE God.)
God is love. He is faithful, truthful, just, and a whole lotta other things I talk about in Biblical Discernment For Teens: Who is God? God doesn’t think in terms of checklists and gut feelings. As Kevin DeYoung says in his book The Hole in Our Holiness, “If you want to know what holiness looks like, look at God.”
“Put off your old self, be made new in the attitude of your minds; and put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness.”
Ephesians 4:22-24, condensed
Holiness means not just kicking out sin, but craving righteousness.
Were you under the impression that the Trappists are utterly miserable? I’m willing to bet they’re not because the Trappists have mastered the art of replacement. When they let go of something, they fill the space with something better.
You don’t have to give up red meat, half your wardrobe, and all your tech gear to follow suit. Just give up that pet sin you’ve been sneaking around and replace it with something good. Instead of reaching for your phone to satisfy your aches, reach for your Bible and let Jesus fill you up. Instead of joining your friends for an all-nighter involving red Solo cups and trashy music, take your little brother to the movies or a midnight hike in the woods.
Consider the two halves to these double-sided verses:
Love must be sincere. Hate what is evil; cling to what is good. Do not be overcome by evil, BUT overcome evil with good.
Romans 12:9, 21
Love does not delight in evil BUT rejoices with the truth.
1 Corinthians 13:6
Holiness isn’t just a call to stop sinning. It’s a call to replace sin with truth and virtue until you don’t want sin anymore.
Curious about the inverse relationship between sin and righteousness? Check out Your Deepest Desires: The Truth About Habitual Sin.
Holiness is having a clean conscience.
I speak the truth in Christ—I am not lying, my conscience confirms it through the Holy Spirit.
Romans 9:1
The conscience is a gift from God, but, like a high-performance racecar, it requires regular fine-tuning to work properly. If it’s not aligned with the Bible, your conscience will lead you astray, but when tuned by God’s word, it helps you make decisions about all the little things the Bible doesn’t specifically instruct us on—like how long your skirts should be and whether it’s okay to get a tattoo. (Check out Romans 14.)
Living the holy teenage life means you get to enjoy a clean conscience. Listen to it. If you believe something is not acceptable, it’s not acceptable for you to do it. Don’t numb your conscience by ignoring it.
Holiness is willing obedience to God’s commands.
Jesus replied, “Anyone who loves me will obey my teaching. My Father will love them, and we will come to them and make our home with them.
John 14:23
Okay, let’s talk about those rules. Because the rules are what most people balk at when deciding whether to pursue a life of holiness or follow cultural norms. Why do Christian have so many do’s and don’ts? Why can’t we have a little fun?
Contrary to extreme popular opinion, God’s commands aren’t there because he’s a big meanie who enjoys watching you suffer. He created them to protect, seal, and define your relationship with him. You are not redeemed by following rules. God’s commands are there to make certain nothing comes between you and him, because he knows the best, happiest, most secure place for you to be is right next to him.
He gave you rules because he loves you.
Struggling to take delight in God’s commands? Find spiritual encouragement specifically for teens in Feed Your Faith With Psalm 119.
Holiness is Christlikeness.
Whoever claims to live in him must live as Jesus did.
1 John 2:6
Jesus is our model for love (John 13:1-17), humility (Philippians 2:5-8), facing temptation (Matthew 4:1-11), enduring suffering (1 Peter 4:1-2), and obedience to the Father (John 6:38). He wasn’t just morally good, he was radically holy.
Be like Jesus!
Seeking Holiness And Happiness Together
Here’s where it gets fun. In the true holy teenage life, you get to be set apart for God and be truly satisfied—and you have choices. All things—art, music, sports, science, food, leisure, relationships—were given to you to enjoy in their proper time. Being a servant of God does not require you to take a vow of poverty or solitude, and doing so will not make you holier.
But you can if you want to, if doing so better opens you up to be filled by Christ.
Being a servant of God does not require you to take a vow of poverty or solitude.
Whatever your choice, whether it’s a life of minimalism or abundance, don’t let your pursuits become your religion. Think music is incredible? Remember who created it. Love crafting ideas into words through your writing? Never forget the depths of the One who gave you thoughts, feelings, and emotions to capture. Enjoy sports and fitness? Give praise to the Creator of the human body and its capabilities.
Use the gifts, not to satisfy your deep desires, but to glorify God so others see find him too.
Craving deeper satisfaction but struggling to find it in God? Read A Rare Treasure: Discover True Christian Joy.
The Holy Teenage Life: Be Known For What You Do, Not For What You Don’t!
Your friends might know you as the guy who won’t look at porn or the girl who won’t skip church for basketball practice. But if you embrace radical holiness, you’ll be known as the guy who rejoices in Jesus or the girl who overflows with compassion for her peers. Let your life be a glimpse of God’s glory.
Ways to Pursue Happiness And Holiness in Tandem
- Do your best in everything. Don’t procrastinate, cut corners, or slack off. Be an honest and virtuous worker.
- Consider your talents and interests a gift from God and use them in godly pursuits.
- Enjoy the elements of God’s creation in their proper place. Food, money, sex, and leisure all have a proper time and are best enjoyed within the bounds God created for them.
- Allow yourself to experience happiness in careers, hobbies, relationships, and material things. But never forget: True joy can only be found in Christ. Don’t let the shiny things of this earth become your idol.
- When others ask you about your joy, give credit to the one who has gifted it to you.
You don’t have to choose between targets. Happiness and holiness are the same bullseye!
Remember: You Were Made For Bigger Things
He has made everything beautiful in its time. He has also set eternity in the human heart; yet no one can fathom what God has done from beginning to end.”
-Ecclesiastes 3:11
God’s beautiful, tantalizing world is too big for us to fully take in, yet its satisfactions are too small to fulfill. You were made for his glory. Let your greatest pleasure be found in God.
Always keep your focus on eternity.
More on Happiness And the Holy Teenage Life
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
- Learn more about Desiring God as the Ultimate Source of Pleasure.
- Discover what King Solomon concluded as he wrestled with the debate over happiness and holiness in the book of Ecclesiastes.
- Consider other ways to live outside yourself in Four Ways Teenagers Live For More (article from Desiring God).