What’s so wrong about pornography if I’m not married? Why can’t a teenage couple have sex if they both consent and use protection? Is lying so bad if it doesn’t hurt anyone? Who says two men can’t marry each other if it makes them happy?
My last two posts (The Problem With Clean YA Fiction For Christian Teens and The Ultimate Christian Teen’s Guide to Dating) share a common encouragement: MAKE GOOD DECISIONS! But the very nature of our modern culture makes knowing how to make good decisions…confusing.
Especially for teens. And especially for Christian teens.
You were taught from a young age that certain things are wrong. Maybe you followed that blindly as a tot, but now that you’re older, you’re starting to notice some of what you believe is wrong is completely accepted—even normal—in society today.
What’s the deal? Who decides what is right and wrong? How’s a guy or girl supposed to sift through all the conflicting voices and come out on top?
Let me share with you a few insights on Biblical discernment for teens.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Right or Wrong: Who Decides?
The very nature of our modern culture makes knowing how to make good decisions…confusing.
This question has risen to the forefront of society like never before. Who decides what is right and wrong? People today are looking at centuries-old moral codes and saying, “If it makes me happy and doesn’t hurt anyone, why should it be forbidden?” Sure, murder is obviously wrong, as is stealing and corruption. Those hurt people in immediate ways.
But why is homosexuality a problem? Or pornography, given its private nature? Or a little white lie every now and then?
Christians, of course, usually respond to such questions with something along the lines of “because the Bible says it’s wrong.”
Who cares? Why should you or anyone else care what the Bible says? If you want to know how to make good decisions as a teen, you first need to answer that question.
David: A Man After God’s Own Heart
King David in the Bible amassed a long list of sins in a short time. He lusted after a married woman (coveting), then abused his authority and slept with her (adultery). When she became pregnant, he attempted to get her back with her husband to make it look like the child was his (deception). And when that didn’t work, he sent the poor man to the front lines to die (murder).
You can read the whole messy story in 2 Samuel 11.
Murder, adultery, and dishonesty are essentially sins against other people—namely the woman involved, her husband, and a whole nation of people from whom he tried to conceal his deeds. But after a stark rebuke by the prophet Nathan in 2 Samuel 12, David makes this strange comment:
“I have sinned against the Lord.”
Why does he say that? He did all these awful things to other people, yet his first show of remorse is over offending God?
Sin, by its selfish nature, shows disregard and disrespect to our loving provider and protector—God.
Before this, David didn’t have a lot of reason to complain. God had already saved him from his father-in-law’s death threats, handed him the kingdom of Israel, and blessed him with material things. He would’ve done more if it hadn’t been enough. And yet, David selfishly took what didn’t belong to him and, as Nathan said in 2 Samuel 12:14, showed “utter contempt for the Lord.”
And therein lies the answer: Sin, by its selfish nature, shows disregard and disrespect to our loving provider and protector—God.
Who is God?
“God is love.” -1 John 4:16
“He is the Rock, his works are perfect, and all his ways are just. A faithful God who does no wrong, upright and just is he.” -Deuteronomy 32:4
“Holy, holy, holy is the Lord God Almighty.” -Revelation 4:8
“You are righteous, Lord, and your laws are right.” -Psalm 119:137
“God is not human, that he should lie.” -Numbers 23:19
Loving, perfect, just, faithful, upright, holy, righteous, truthful… These are not things God aspires to be. They are what he is—his very nature and character.
And that’s what defines right and wrong.
What’s fair and unfair is determined by our God because he is just. Dishonesty is wrong because God is truthful. Standards of purity are set by God because he’s faithful and upright. And love is held in highest virtue because God is love.
These are not things God aspires to be. They are what he is—his very nature and character.
When you go against any of these standards, you—like David—show utter contempt for the One who loves you most. (See my post The Most Important Reason to Obey God.)
Every moral law and biblical command must be viewed in relation to God and who he is to you. He doesn’t give you these rules so he can strike you down when you fail. He gives them as a way to guide you through a life of blessing—and let you show your love in return. (See How to Love God: What is God’s Love Language?)
(FYI, if you still believe pornography is harmless, you need to check out this article by D. Scott Hildreth.)
With that in mind, let’s look at a four-step process Christian teens can use to make good decisions.
Biblical Discernment For Teens: How to Make Good Decisions in 4 Steps
This process was introduced in a parenting book called Set Free to Choose Right by Josh McDowell. (If your parents read that one, you might already be familiar with it.) He calls it the 4 C’s:
- Consider the choice.
- Compare it to God.
- Commit to God’s way.
- Count on God’s protection and provision.
1) Consider the Choice
This is the fork in the road. You’re faced with two (or more) options. Spend a few minutes on that racy website or close your computer? Tell a little lie about where you were this weekend or come clean and face the consequences? Slip that expensive tube of lipstick in your pocket or put it back on the shelf because you can’t afford it?
One option will draw you closer to God, the other will put a wedge between you.
Making one wrong choice might seem trivial—just like the roads in an intersection all begin from the same starting point—but once you decide on a path, turning back is not as easy as it sounds. And where you end up will be totally different.
This is a critical step. Don’t jump into any moral decision without first considering how it will affect your relationship with God.
Related: Wrong Ways to Read the Bible (That You Might Be Doing). Make sure you’re reading God’s road map correctly!
2) Compare the Choice to God
Remember who God is: loving, perfect, just, faithful, upright, holy, righteous, and truthful. Which of your options aligns with these traits? Which choices stray? Most of the time, laying the options out alongside God will make the right choice obvious.
Related: The Right Reason for Purity: Do You Know What It Is?
3) Commit to God’s Way
To do this, you first must admit you are not the captain of your ship. Eve messed this up big time in the Garden of Eden when she took the forbidden fruit. She thought she could take charge of her life, but failed to connect her actions with the warnings God gave her.
We live in a “choose what’s right for me” world, where each person is seen as being in charge of his or her own life and individual code of ethics. No need to be held accountable to a higher power when you can justify your own choices, right?
But then you’re forgetting that God has your best interest at heart—even more so than you do. He wants what’s best for you, and he knows what that is. It doesn’t have to make sense to you. Commit to God’s way and trust he’s got your back. Following his commands brings many blessings.
Related: How to Really, Truly Know God Loves You
4) Count on God’s Protection and Provision
God is the giver of all things good and only forbids what will harm us. Never forget that!
You might not be able to see how a certain action will hurt you in the long run, but he can. He’s like the guy at the top of the lookout tower, watching for forest fires while you’re happily hiking through trees below. You can’t possibly know that the trail you’re on is heading straight into a firestorm. But your life will be saved when you heed his voice calling you away from the inferno.
You both have the same goal: Save your life. But only God has the full picture to make that happen. Trust him.
What About When My Good Choices Lead to Bad Consequences?
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Choosing the right path doesn’t always guarantee a pleasant outcome. Being honest about something you did wrong might lead to uncomfortable consequences. Eschewing certain sinful activities might leave you feeling left out. Speaking up against homosexuality or cohabitation will definitely set people against you.
Related: Feeling Left Out: When the World Is Having Fun Without You
But the rewards for good choices aren’t just eternal life in heaven. God gives immediate rewards, too: a clear conscience, no shame, the joy of knowing He’s smiling upon you, the joy of knowing you’ve taken another step along the path to eternity. God will bless you in ways you might not have imagined.
Just don’t let his provision be the determining factor in choosing right and wrong.
Choose right because he loves you and you love him. Because if you’re loving him, the worst that could happen really isn’t all that bad.