I’ll be the first to admit this post is not an original idea. Lists like this abound all over the internet, but unfortunately for teens, most cater to adult couples who may or may not already have a physical relationship.
There are many activities a married couple can enjoy that, ahem, aren’t appropriate for a young, unmarried couple who wishes to honor God with their relationship.
So this list of ways to show love without kissing is composed specifically for Christian teen couples. Notice I didn’t say “ways to show love without sex.” Based on discussions I’ve had with some of my readers, many of you are truly interested in pursuing holiness beyond simply trying to achieve the bare minimum. Some of you aren’t comfortable with kissing, and that’s okay!
(For a discussion on physical boundaries in Christian teen dating, see The Ultimate Teen’s Guide to Christian Dating: Your Top 20 Questions Answered.)
To my married readers who stumbled upon this page, no worries. You are welcome to keep reading and discover some great alternatives to kissing (and other activities) to add variety to your marriage!
Hey, I’m Lauren, author of YA Christian fiction and blogger for teens with higher aim.
In This Article
How I Organized This List
When a teen couple is frustrated over not being able to kiss (or do other things), it’s frequently because of two issues:
- You view Christianity as a list of rules.
- You think physical affection is the only way to show love.
Many years ago, a learned man named Gary Chapman published a book that changed how the world viewed love. The 5 Love Languages demonstrated how each of us “hears” love differently. You might think your boyfriend only cares about making out when he’s really just itching to spend time with you. So I organized this list according to the different love languages, though you may find that some suggestions fit in multiple categories. For example, giving a card could be a gift, an act of service, and include meaningful words.
(Take the Official Love Language quiz to discover yours today!)
As for the first one, I hope this list will show that while there are some “don’ts” in Christianity, there are many wonderful “do’s”, and loving others is one of them.
Discover your desire for serving God with your life in The Holy Teenage Life: Real Faith, Real Happiness.
31 Ways to Show Love Without Kissing
Gifts: A Tangible Expression of Affection
Gift-giving doesn’t have to be expensive, nor must it be materialistic. The key to successful giving is listening and learning what your boyfriend or girlfriend really likes.
During the infant years of our marriage, my husband would buy me a gift, give it to me still wrapped in the Walmart bag it came in, and include the receipt so I could enter it into the checkbook. He has since learned that presentation is equally important.
- Purchase a meaningful gift and give it without waiting for a special occasion.
- Short on cash? Make something! Bake cookies, craft a handmade card, paint a picture—whatever your talent, use it to create a meaningful gift.
- Give flowers. You can pick them yourself to save a few bucks, but make sure to arrange them nicely.
- Buy a pair of tickets to something he enjoys. This can either be for an activity for the two of you, or something he does with a friend.
- Bring her soup and crackers when she’s sick.
- Make him a care package when he’s stressed with school, basketball practice, work, etc.
- Bring a treat for her pet. Pet lovers will melt at this gesture.
- Plan a special date that includes all the things he loves. A movie, dinner, a stroll in the park, whatever.
- Fill a notebook with things she does that make you smile, then gift it to her. Again, costs almost nothing. Plus, you’re including words of affirmation, another love language.
- Bring his favorite treat to school for lunch.
- Give her little tools to make life easier. A makeup pouch, an iPhone holder, earmuffs—something she will be grateful to use.
- Make special occasions a big deal. Go all out!
- Create a playlist of songs that remind you of him and share it with him.
- Let her have the last slice of pizza.
- Make a photo album of memories for him.
- Dedicate a song to her on the radio. But first, be sure she’s the type who won’t be mortified by this!
Quality Time: Showing Love With Emotional Presence & Connection
Rule #1 for showing love through quality time? PUT DOWN YOUR PHONE! Quality time means giving dedicated attention to someone, NOT your screen or the friends who keep texting you. Turn it off, or commit to only answering calls from your parents.
- Go on an outdoor adventure together. Hiking, canoeing, stargazing, flying kites, horseback riding—so many possibilities here.
- Participate in each other’s hobbies. If he likes fly-fishing, by all means, go on an excursion to the river and let him teach you something.
- Learn a new hobby together. Photography, stained glass, fitness, cooking . . . Consider taking a class together just for fun.
- Go shopping together. You don’t have to buy anything. Just browsing and people-watching can be a great bonding experience.
- Hang out with him and his friends.
- Go on a good, old-fashioned date. Dinner and a movie? Don’t forget to dress up!
- Do something childish together. Sidewalk chalk, Legos, bubbles, Nerf gun wars . . . Who says you always have to be sophisticated and serious?
- Play a game together.
- Undertake a DIY project together. Paint his bedroom, build a treehouse, restore an old car. . .
- Cook together.
- Run errands or do homework together.
- Go for a drive. Depending on the season, you could hit fall colors or Christmas lights.
- Research something you’ve always wanted to learn about, together.
- Get dressed up and do a photoshoot. This can be formal or funny.
- Read a book together and discuss it.
- Do volunteer community service together.
Meaningful Words: Non-Kissing Ways to Show Love With Your Mouth
IMO, our verbal communication skills are almost laughable these days. No one knows how to craft a sound sentence without slang, abbreviations, or emojis anymore, IYKWIM.
If you are dating someone who needs to hear love verbally, it’s time to step it up.
- Write a poem for your girlfriend. It doesn’t have to rhyme. Just write it from the heart.
- Not a writer? Find a poem and share it with her in a special card. Be sure to give proper attribution to the author. Not only is that ethical, but you wouldn’t want her thinking you wrote something if you didn’t.
- Choose a couple’s song.
- Write your boyfriend a song.
- Bare your soul and tell her how you really feel about her. It’s as simple as that, but many of us don’t do it often enough.
- Ask for advice. Asking him to help you with something shows you value his knowledge and opinion. It’s almost more effective than a compliment.
- Compliment her. Of course, this is also important.
- Make a list of 10 things you love about him and give it to him.
- Brag about her to your friends—in front of her.
- Leave little notes in his locker, his backpack, his gym shoes . . .
- Listen to her! No, really. Listening is just as important as the words you give.
- Send a thoughtful text message to let him know you were thinking about him.
- Write her an old-fashioned letter. There’s something meaningful about notes written in your own handwriting that texts and emails cannot emulate.
Acts of Service: Hands-on Alternatives to Kissing
Some people feel most loved when you do something for them. It’s not that they are lazy or can’t do it themselves. It’s because your actions show they matter to you.
- Wash her car. Bonus points if you wax it and vacuum the inside as well.
- Help him with homework.
- Help her do some of her chores. Especially the ones she hates.
- Dress up for him. If you’re a ripped jeans and faded t-shirts kind of gal, he might appreciate you dressing nice for him once in a while. (Guys can do this for their girlfriends, too!)
- Take her somewhere she’s been dying to go.
- Offer a warm blanket during movie night at your house. This is especially appreciated by those of us with perpetually cold feet.
- Give him uninterrupted time to watch the game or a favorite TV show.
- Drop her off at the door, then park the car. A wonderful gesture anytime, but especially if it’s raining or she’s wearing heels.
- Fold his laundry. Yes, some teens have to do their own laundry, so this works here.
- Clean her laptop screen and keyboard.
- Run errands for him or offer to pick something up from the store.
- Throw a surprise party for her birthday.
- Do all the planning for your next date.
- Thank her for the acts she does for you.
Physical Affection: It’s Not Always About You-Know-What!
Three things I wish I’d known when I was young and dating:
- Meaningful touch is important, even for unmarried couples.
- Touch doesn’t always indicate sexual intentions.
- When someone’s love language is physical affection, they aren’t necessarily only thinking about sexual intimacy.
I spent a lot of time brushing off my boyfriend (now husband) because I read way too much into his touch when, really, all he was doing was expressing love the way he wished to be loved.
Yes, unmarried couples can engage in physical affection, but you must communicate what you are comfortable with and reaffirm your mutual intent to honor God with your relationship.
- Give a foot massage.
- Give a scalp massage. Seriously, don’t diss it until you try it.
- Hold hands. Even a brief squeeze is meaningful.
- Sit next to each other whenever you can.
- Let your feet touch when you’re sitting together. This can feel very loving when done with purpose.
- Play with her hair. Feeling brave? Ask her to show you how to braid it.
- Take ballroom dancing lessons together. This is an amazing way to enjoy physical touch. Why don’t people do this more often?
- Participate in a sport together.
- Kiss his cheek or forehead. This, of course, is subject to both your comfort levels, but generally, kissing the forehead or cheek is much less intimate than kissing the lips.
- Touch her arm or shoulder when you speak to her.
- Don’t brush off his innocent touch. I think you can tell the difference between an affectionate gesture and a sexual one. Keeping open communication will help.
- Hold her when she’s sad.
Teen Dating That Honors God
Above all, keep loving one another earnestly, since love covers a multitude of sins.
1 Peter 4:8
As you can see, there are a multitude of ways to show love without kissing or engaging in borderline activities. Loving your boyfriend or girlfriend and honoring God can happen at the same time.
(Psst! Hang on to this list for when you’re married someday, because even then it’s not only about being physical!)
More Dating Advice For Christian Teens
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Check out my other articles on Christian teen dating:
- Girl Talk: How to Handle a Guy Who’s Coming on Too Strong
- How to Talk to Your Parents About Dating: Advice For Teens
- How Teens Who Know God Respond to Myths About Sex
- Is it Ever Too Young to Be Thinking About Marriage?
- Christian Dating: There Must Be More to It Than This!
- 3 Most Important Qualities of a Good Boyfriend for Christian Girls
- Christian Dating Tips for Teens: Don’t Make My Mistakes!
- Author vs. Protagonist: Trust God To Write Your Love Story