“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”
In a list of the Top 100 Most Read Bible Verses, Jeremiah 29:11 holds the number two spot. (I bet you know which verse is the only one to surpass it.) Christians like being reminded that, while life might seem like it’s spiraling, God is not only still in control, but he has great plans for you. So you can trust him with your career decisions, your health concerns, your struggles with school, and your tumultuous relationship with your mother.
What about your love life?
Do you trust God to write your love story, or are you married to a long list of must-have traits your future spouse must posses and a rom-com-worthy meet cute? Rebecca St. James dreamed about meeting her future husband in her song Wait for Me:
“Darling did you know that I, I dream about you / Waiting for the look in your eyes, / When we meet for the first time…”
Sometimes it happens that way. Head-over-heels romance isn’t relegated only to fairytales and movies with questionable content. But when I met my husband for the first time, I didn’t even like him.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
My Love Story
I met my husband during freshman orientation weekend at Viterbo University. My roommate and I had just joined a group of fellow lowly freshmen tossing a Frisbee around the Assisi Courtyard, which included a boy whom I distinctly remember thinking had the blondest hair I’d ever seen that wasn’t influenced by bleaching.
And that’s about all I thought of him.
When I met my husband for the first time, I didn’t even like him.
To be fair, he wasn’t attracted to me either. I later learned he thought I looked like a hippie. (What can I say? I was wearing a tie-dyed shirt and had a super-long braid. Guess I deserved that.)
We didn’t speak a word to each other during the game, making it the most unromantic first meeting ever—significant only because we both remember it well. (Brian seems to recall this also being the day when a homeless man tried to steal my backpack, but I swear that happened during a different game of Frisbee. Since it does nothing to add any romance to the story, we’ll just pretend to agree.)
When The Protagonist Tries to Be the Author
Do you believe in love at first sight? Me too! It just didn’t happen to me.
Sometimes romance isn’t romantic.
Sometimes romance isn’t romantic. Cinderella got her Prince Charming over one dance and a lost slipper. Sleeping Beauty was revived by a dashing rescuer before she even knew his middle name. Maria and Tony fell in love the instant they spotted each other across a room full of flamboyant dancers on West Side Story.
But that’s fiction.
When I dreamed of my future husband, I envisioned a tall, muscular hottie with dark hair, dark eyes, and no beard. He would be serious, with a sprinkling of humor, work an important high-end job, and absolutely adore me.
Oh, and of course he would be a Christian.
When The Author Writes the Story
You can’t always get what you want.
What I got in Brian was a stocky fellow—muscular, yes, but only taller than me because I tend to slump. I already mentioned the blond hair, his eyes are blue . . . and then there’s the beard. I’m pretty sure Brian has earned roles in the theater solely for his ability to grow a beard. He’s funny with a sprinkling of seriousness, and as far as the high-end job?
Brian is an elementary music teacher. He earns his paycheck singing about horses standing around and peeping squirrels and Johnny working with hammers, all the while surrounded by a circle of tykes sprawled on the floor. But he absolutely adores me.
Oh, and yes, he’s a Christian.
He must be all of the following…
Do you ever dream about your future spouse? About how he (or she, for the guys reading this) will look or act? What his hobbies might be, what career he might choose? What his character will be like?
There’s nothing wrong with having standards. Standard number one for every believer: your spouse must also be a believer. I do not consider this a frivolous fantasy but an absolute necessity. And since you’re only considering Christians, you can then expect certain other character traits to be present.
Think of the fruits of the Spirit:
But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness and self-control. Against such things there is no law. -Galatians 5:22-23 (EHV)
These are the general characteristics every Christian should strive to embody. (See my post 2 Qualities of a Good Boyfriend For Christian Girls).
But how those fruits show up may not be what you expect.
You might be too busy looking for a tall, swarthy, black-haired Hercules with an Italian accent to notice the stout, curly red-haired fellow with the Midwestern inflection right next to you.
You might imagine a joy-filled spouse who shows outward displays of exuberance but end up with someone more calm and reflective by nature.
You think the man who loves you will want to share in all your interests when, in reality, his way of showing love is to hold hands and go for long walks together.
And as a starry-eyed dreamer, you might be too busy looking for a tall, swarthy, black-haired Hercules with an Italian accent to notice the stout, curly red-haired fellow with the Midwestern inflection right next to you. The one who would make an incredible, faithful, and loving spouse.
Set Your Sights Above the Horizon
You can’t always get what you want. (Thank you, Rolling Stones, for the song.) So why bother setting goals and having dreams in the first place?
Goals and dreams propel you through life, giving you hope for the future and a desire to achieve. Those who struggle with depression are often the people who have, for whatever reason, lost their ability to dream and imagine.
Even God encourages his children to dream big and pray boldly.
“So I say to you: Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you. For everyone who asks receives; the one who seeks finds; and to the one who knocks, the door will be opened. Luke 11:9-10
Do not cling so tightly to your own dreams and fantasies that you completely miss the incredible plan God has set in place for you.
Your desires are important to God, and that includes your wishes for your future spouse and your marriage.
But do not cling so tightly to your own dreams and fantasies that you completely miss the incredible plan God has set in place for you. He is the ultimate dreamer, and he can dream up things for you that exceed anything your own imagination can produce. He knows your needs, your desires, your heart.
You can trust God to write your love story.
Be the Leading Lady and Trust God to Write Your Love Story
You may not be the author of your story, but neither are you the audience. Your Creator did not create you to sit back and watch your life fly by as if it were a motion picture. You are the protagonist, the leading character, and you have a major part to play.
Just remember, the main character rarely knows what’s going to happen on the next page.
As for me, I can no longer imagine being married to anyone but the guy who was never the man of my dreams. That’s what I call a twist ending.
Enjoy your story!
More Christian Teen Dating Resources
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