Transitioning to Adulthood: Advice For Christian Teens

The day you turn 18 might be one of the most highly anticipated moments in your high school career. You are legally independent! Your opinion matters on the political spectrum! You can move out of your parents’ house!

Whether you’ve already crossed that threshold or are awaiting its approach, I want to, first, congratulate you on making it this far (because, let’s face it, high school can be a real bear), and, second, pull back on the reins of your excitement for a moment of insight.

When you’re 13 and dealing with physical changes to your body or 16 and itching for full independence, 18 might seem like the end goal. In truth, transitioning to adulthood is merely another stepping stone along the path to eternity.

Always, always keep eternity in your sights.

With that in mind, this post isn’t a guide for how to do laundry, boil pasta, file taxes, or understand your credit report (all important skills but widely covered elsewhere on the web). The advice here is meant to help you develop healthy thinking patterns and prepare you to serve God with your best—right now and in the future.

Remember: Feelings Are Not Facts!

Whether you’re considering a romantic relationship or debating the validity of evolution with a classmate, never forget: Feelings are not facts. If you let them drive your decision-making, you will find yourself off course, on a two-lane track in the middle of no-man’s land, when you meant to take the super highway to Boston.

Don’t get me wrong: Your feelings and emotions are part of who you are. God did not fashion you into a passionless robot. He wants you to feel things like compassion, love, and desire. Just don’t let your feelings override the truth. 

Always follow the truth.

How:

• Get your daily dose of truth with regular Bible reading and a weekly boost through regular church attendance. Sorry, there are no substitutes for either of those.

Related: Why Young Christians Absolutely Need to Go to Church

Budget—Both Money & Time

If you were lucky, your high school offered a personal finance class that taught you how to set up and utilize a personal budget. What you learned there matters now more than ever as you’re transitioning into adulthood and the years where debt tends to skyrocket. But wise money management isn’t just about making sure your wallet is never empty and your credit card balance is never full. It’s about practicing discipline, self-control, and delayed gratification. 

The guy or gal who can control his/her spending and desire for more “stuff” has a good foundation for exercising self-control in other areas.

The same goes for time. How much time do you allow yourself for sleep each day? For exercise? For personal care, relaxation, work/school, and study? For worship? How much time do you spend doing activities that impede productivity, like scrolling social media, playing video games, surfing the internet, or watching TV? What about charitable work and nurturing relationships? 

When you consider all the objectives you must accomplish every day, you can see why wise time management is an important habit to develop now. 

How:

• If you haven’t already, set up a personal budget for your personal finances. Dave Ramsey, the king of wise money management education, offers tons of advice and several great books you might even be able to snag at your local library. 
• Not sure how to budget your time? Try this PDF from University of Northern Colorado. 

Related: 4 Simple Steps to Money Management For Christian Teens

Take Responsibility For Your Faith

For some of you, leaving home for college is the first time you won’t have anybody poking you to get out of bed Sunday morning for church. Your parents (hopefully) taught you the importance of regular worship, Bible study, and fellowship with other Christians, and guess what? These habits are more important than ever now that you’re transitioning into adulthood and total independence. 

It’s time to take responsibility for your faith. No one’s going to be spoon-feeding you Bible lessons or reminding you to pray before meals. But your relationship with Jesus is the single most important relationship for you to nurture, and it takes two to keep a relationship going.

Keep doing your part.

How:

• How to Live independently With Total Dependence on God
• Welcome to Adulthood! Time to Take Responsibility For Your Faith

Ditch Perfectionism—You Don’t Need it Anyway

Perfection and excellence are not the same. You should always pursue excellence in your work, studies, and relationships—anything worth doing is worth doing well, right?—but, contrary to popular belief, striving for perfection is the antithesis of pursuing excellence. The person consumed with perfection is too focused on unreasonable standards and past mistakes to be effective where he or she is right now.

God made you who you are and gave you the talents you possess at this very moment for a specific reason. Welcome opportunities for learning and growth rather than stressing over your failures. (More on this in a moment.)

Ditch perfectionism, pursue excellence.

How:

Whenever you set out to achieve something, ask yourself:

• Is this goal realistic?
• Am I doing my best with what I have now or obsessing over what I can’t accomplish?
• How can I serve God with my talents and skills right now?

Adopt a Growth Mindset

Do you have a failure mindset or a growth mindset?

Characteristics of a failure mindset:

• You listen to that inner voice that says you can’t succeed or have no choice.
• Imposter syndrome and/or regret weakens your motivation.
• You struggle to continue after a perceived failure—to you, failure signals the end.
• Your overall view of yourself, your skills, and your talents is negative.

Characteristics of a growth mindset: 

• You acknowledge failure as part of the process.
• You recognize intelligence and talent are only starting points.
• You believe your abilities can be developed through dedication and hard work.
• You love to learn.

I’ll say it again: Excellence and perfection are not the same. Dwelling on failure (whether perceived or real) and wallowing in regret prevents you from moving toward excellence. Thomas Edison famously said, “I have not failed. I’ve just found 10,000 ways that won’t work.” 

Now that’s a growth mindset!

How:

• When facing failure, ask yourself: How would God have me grow from this?
• Pursue avenues (further education, fieldwork, research, etc.) that help you stretch the gifts and abilities God gave you.
• Turn your regret into reliance on God. You might be unsure, but he knows what you need and where you should be. Trust him to work all things for your good—because he said he would.

Related: Facing Failure: The Bottom Line of Philippians 4:13

Guilt and Shame: Not the Same

Guilt = the state of one who has committed an offense, especially consciously. 

Shame = a painful feeling of humiliation or distress caused by the consciousness of wrong or foolish behavior.

Guilt isn’t a terrible thing. In fact, it’s a helpful indicator of wrongdoing. If you never felt guilt, you’d never have a reason to repent and step away from sin. You’d also miss out on experiencing the unimaginably forgiving nature of our God.

Shame, however, is Satan’s way of making you cling to your guilt. You may think shame is a testament to your worthlessness and irredeemability, but it actually says more about your skewed perception of God:

The person living in shame thinks God’s love and forgiveness is not big enough, full enough, or powerful enough to include him or her.

Learn from your guilt, don’t waste time with shame.

How:

• Remember: Both guilt and shame die through Christ.
• Drench yourself in the truth. (In other words, read your Bible!) 
• Reroute negative thought patterns that pull you down the road of shame. See my post How to Change Your Thought Patterns.

Meaninful Relationships, Meaningful Life

No matter how much of an introvert you are, you need people. No, really. When God made Adam, he only waited long enough for Adam to recognize how much he needed a companion before giving him Eve.

“Now the Lord God had formed out of the ground all the wild animals and all the birds in the sky. He brought them to the man to see what he would name them; and whatever the man called each living creature, that was its name. So the man gave names to all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals. But for Adam no suitable helper was found.”

Genesis 2:19-20

Unlike sharks and tortoises, humans were wired for meaninful relationships. When the coronavirus swept the globe, a staggering number of people were in more danger from mental health crises caused by forced isolation than actual physical illness from the virus. 

But surface-level relationships are not sufficient. You need genuine connections that include honesty and vulnerability, like the kind you have with God: He sees you fully, knows your flaws, and loves you anyway.

Don’t get so tangled up with academic and career dreams that you slack off on growing relationships with the people around you.

How:

• Put your phone away! A meaningful telephone conversation with a long-distance relative is one thing, but texting and social media are not purposeful ways of building true connections.
• When you make your time management budget, dedicate quality time for others. Volunteer work, a well thought-out date night with your sweetie, sitting down at the campus coffee shop to catch up with a friend (all without phones, of course)…
• Now is not the time for machismo or aloofness. Be real and be vulnerable. Don’t fall for the temptation to hide your weaknesses and insecurities.
• Stay devoted to your relationship with God. The blessings you glean from that will seep into your relationships with others.

Keep Your Eyes on Eternity While Transitioning to Adulthood!

The transition to adulthood is an exciting time, but never take your eyes off the horizon. Focus on eternity and glorify God with your life—no matter what stage you’re at.