“Speak the truth in love.” This phrase—derived from Ephesians 4:15 and frequently tossed around by evangelical Christians—has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it? Truth. Love. Two things Jesus followers hold in high regard.
By its simplest explanation, speaking the truth in love means encouraging someone to grow in Christ. It means sharing his law and gospel and steering others away from sin. But I’ll be honest: It’s not just about being honest. Nor is it necessarily a call for “gentle” love, where you tiptoe around someone’s feelings while trying to correct their behavior. Jesus was very assertive when confronting sin, and yet he was the epitome of what sharing the truth in love is all about.
So, practically speaking, what does it look like to “speak the truth in love,” and how might a Christian teen utilize this concept in his everyday interactions?
The answer is found in the garden.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
“A farmer went out to sow his seed…”
Luke 8:5
Sowing seeds (an antiquated way of saying someone is planting a garden) sounds like a simple process. Dig a hole, drop in a seed, cover with dirt, sprinkle with water, done. In about a week, a tiny green shoot will pop out of the ground, and in about nine more, you’ll have a nice tall stalk with buttery yellow ears of corn. Sounds easy, right?
Of course, if you examine the parable of the sower in Luke 8:5-15, you’ll see that all kinds of things can go wrong. Feet, birds, rocks, thorns, and lack of moisture are just a few of the threats to a new seed or a young plant.
Then there’s the problem of soil.
Not All Soil is Equal
Sandy soil is coarse and has poor water retention, while loam soils are pretty much ideal for more gardens. Then there’s clay.
Did you know that clay soils are some of the most difficult soils to plant in? They’re sticky when wet and rock hard when dry. If you’re planting a garden in clay, you might as well be putting bullets into the ground instead of seeds. You’ll get the same yield.
Does that mean you’re completely out of luck if you live in, say, North Carolina where red clay is the dominant soil? Absolutely not—but hold that thought for a moment.
The Human Heart is Like Soil
The human heart works in similar fashion. You can plant the same seeds in different hearts and get different results. Seeds planted in soft, fertile hearts sprout very quickly and grow into robust plants, yielding an abundant crop. But seeds dropped in hard, compacted, clay-like hearts will die. Or, be picked up by a bird or trampled by feet or … You get the picture.
I used to think my only job as God’s messenger was to throw seeds of Biblical truths at people and wait to see if they sprouted.
I used to think my only job as God’s messenger was to throw seeds of Biblical truths at people and wait to see if they sprouted. When they didn’t, I wrote that person off as being the soil along the path, packed down by feet and picked at by the birds.
“Sorry, nothing I can do about that!”
Except, any gardener worth her salt knows that soil can be amended. Clay, for example, is capable of holding huge amounts of plant nutrients. But to be viable for life, it needs a thick layer of organic matter (bark, leaves, compost, etc.) worked into the top eight inches of soil.
As with soil, the human heart can be amended: by love.
Love is like a thick layer of organic matter spread over a dry, hard soil. Love means getting to know a person, talking to him, and showing genuine concern for his being and what’s important to him. Maybe it means inviting him to join you for lunch, where you discover a shared interest in reggae music and spicy Thai food. Perhaps you have nothing in common, but you take a few minutes to ask about the fantasy dragon pencil drawings that he’s always making in his biology notebook.
As with garden soil, the amendments need to be added before the seed is planted.
Be a genuine friend. Take an interest in what matters to him .
As with garden soil, however, the amendments need to be added before the seed is planted. You can try to share the gospel or turn another from sin without any additional work on your part and maybe the seed will sprout and take root. But it’s unlikely.
Love must come first. Don’t even think about planting a seed in a garden of clay that you haven’t covered with compost—or a heart you haven’t loved first.
Ready to Plant?
Not so fast. Now that you’ve added the “organic matter”—love—you need to work it in so it can get to the roots. After spreading your love over someone through kindness and friendship, you can start working the love in with the rich nutrients of the Gospel—the freeing message of Christ’s love and salvation.
Even here, however, you are not driving in the hard seed of God’s law. Only his love.
Once the soil’s been turned over, mixed with love, and fluffed with hope, then it’s ready for God’s Word, including his laws. This is the point where you can show your friend the hard truth of the law and how his or her lifestyle may not be following it.
You’re not ramming it down her throat, nor are you skirting the issue for fear of hurting her feelings. Be assertive, but kind. Your love should still show even at this point. (See my post How To Confront a Friend Who Keeps On Sinning.)
If you intend to turn another from sin, you must honestly love him first, or your seeds will be like bullets, sending him angry and wounded into retreat. I’m ashamed when I realize how often I’ve failed at this. How many times have I slammed a friend, family member, or acquaintance with God’s Word before taking the time to listen and understand her? I might point out her poor choices and the ways she is living contrary to God’s law, and I’m not wrong.
But if I don’t love her enough, the seeds will die before they have a chance to sprout.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Speak the Truth in Love Slowly and Thoroughly
Speaking the truth in love means not rushing into planting without regard to the garden.
Speaking the truth in love means not rushing into planting without regard to the garden. Take your time, amending the soil of the heart and preparing it for the seed. In Luke 13:6-9, we find a gardener who does just that. The owner of the garden is ready to chop down a fig tree that has never given him any fruit, but the gardener intervenes and tells him to wait. Do you know what he plans to do?
Amend the soil! He’s going to love that soil until it becomes fertile.
Love your neighbors, your friends, your classmates, your coworkers, your siblings… Amend the soil of their hearts so the seed of God’s Word can sprout and produce a crop a hundred times what was sown!
More Resources For Sharing the Truth in Love
- 1 Peter 3:15: “Always be prepared to give an answer to everyone who asks you to give the reason for the hope that you have. But do this with gentleness and respect…”
- 1 Corinthians 13:4-8
- Matthew 5:43-48
- 1 Peter 4:8: Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.
- Love or Hypocrisy: Should I Confront a Friend Who Sins?
I also invite you to browse my growing collection of short stories, where speaking the truth in love is an ever-present topic.