Here’s a fun fact about my short story The Day Hanna Hosanna Helped Cootie Judy: The opening scene where Jude Rohmann is being bullied by an older boy was taken right out of one of my high school memories. I actually witnessed a boy do exactly what Kade Manning does to Jude.
Bullying isn’t funny.
Are you being bullied right now? How do you effectively deal with bullying so that it stops? Let’s talk about ways to respond to bullying like a Christian.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
First Things First: What Bullying is NOT
There’s a difference between bullying and everyday conflict. Normal conflict, while unpleasant, can actually be healthy, increasing our communication skills and understanding of each other.
Some examples of “everyday conflict”:
- a disagreement or argument between two peers
- constructive criticism that refrains from personal attack or intimidation
- conflict that is handled through open communication
- choosing not to be friends with someone, even if feelings are hurt
- social groups & cliques (though these can lead to bullying)
- lighthearted teasing that refrains from hurtful, demeaning, or repetitive behavior
- healthy competition that is fair and respectful
What Constitutes Bullying?
Now that you know what bullying isn’t, it’s time to look closer at what constitutes bullying. Bullying is repeated aggressive behavior intended to harm or cause distress to another person. A power imbalance between the two parties is usually at play.
Some examples of bullying:
- PHYSICAL BULLYING: kicking, hitting, biting, pushing, spitting, damage or theft of one’s property, rude hand gestures
- VERBAL BULLYING: hurtful words and insults, name-calling, teasing/taunting, inappropriate sexual comments, threats
- SOCIAL BULLYING: manipulative relationships, spreading rumors, excluding individuals with the intent to cause emotional harm
- CYBERBULLYING: any of the above behaviors performed through the use of digital platforms.
Bullying is nothing to mess around with. So let’s look at how to respond to bullying like a Christian.
Tips to Help Christian Teens Deal With Bullying
1) Speak Up
If you think you’re being bullied, if the comments or actions of another individual are making you uncomfortable, tell someone. Go to a trusted adult no matter how trivial the issue seems. Don’t wait until it escalates to report it.
If a friend confesses to you that he is being bullied, don’t belittle the situation or try to convince him that he’s overreacting. Take his concerns seriously. Encourage him to go to someone in authority or, if need be, go to the authorities yourself.
2) Walk Away
Bullies get their fuel when you react. If you ignore them, they are less likely to continue targeting you. Walk away with your head held high. Think that’s hard to do? It helps to get a little perspective.
I used to be teased for being a “nerd.” But to tell you the truth, I was a nerd—a brainiac without an athletic bone in her body, whose sense of style ran a decade behind everyone else’s. It bothered me . . . until I realized being a nerd isn’t all that bad.
Why do we allow people to bother us over things that really aren’t negative?
Why do we allow people to bother us over things that really aren’t negative? Is it terrible that you’re known for being a Christian who follows the rules, or that you enjoy books more than basketball games, or whatever it is that sets you apart from the others?
Here’s a little secret: You can drastically reduce a bully’s power by not letting the things he says bother you.
But first, you have to accept that it’s okay to be different.
3) Don’t believe the lie.
The lie every bully wants you to believe is that it’s not okay to be different. A bully would have you believe there’s something wrong with you because you’re smaller, bigger, slower, have eyes that aren’t the same color, or speak with a lisp, or whatever.
This is a lie. Take a look at these Bible verses:
Yet you, Lord, are our Father. We are the clay, you are the potter; we are all the work of your hand. Isaiah 64:8
But the Lord said to Samuel, “Do not consider his appearance or his height, for I have rejected him. The Lord does not look at the things people look at. People look at the outward appearance, but the Lord looks at the heart.” 1 Samuel 16:7
For just as each of us has one body with many members, and these members do not all have the same function, so in Christ we, though many, form one body, and each member belongs to all the others. Romans 12:4-5
Do not conform to the pattern of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind. Then you will be able to test and approve what God’s will is—his good, pleasing and perfect will. Romans 12:2
My son, if sinful men entice you, do not give in to them… my son, do not go along with them, do not set foot on their paths. Proverbs 1:10, 15
As you can see, you were made the way you are for a purpose—a purpose God has chosen you for. He didn’t make us exact clones of each other for a reason!
The lie every bully wants you to believe is that it’s not okay to be different.
Years after you graduate from high school, you will probably look back and wonder, “Why was I so worried about fitting in?” It’s true, because that’s how I feel right now. The things I was teased for are the very things that have made me successful in life.
Check out my post Dealing with Peer Pressure: A Slideshow of the Future.
4) Pray for your enemy.
People don’t become repeat bullies because they’re bored. One of my sons might walk up to his brother and spray the back of his head with furniture polish because he’s bored, but bullies who repeatedly pick on others usually hide an underlying fear. They need to hold power over someone to make up for their inadequacy elsewhere. Perhaps they have no love in their life. Their parents might be abusive, or absent altogether.
Whatever the reason for his actions, a bully is someone to pray for.
“You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I tell you, love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, that you may be children of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. Matthew 5:43-45
A bully is still God’s child, and one whom you might be able to turn from her ways.
5) Seek real friends.
You can’t control what others do, but you have the power to change your perspective.
Yes, there’s safety in numbers. But more importantly, hanging out with people who “get” you—who love you despite your quirks and odd fetishes—gives your confidence a hefty boost.
Stick together and encourage each other in the faith. Support others who are dealing with bullying also.
Respond to Bullying Like a Christian
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
You can’t control what others do, but you have the power to change your perspective. A bully can’t take that away. Look at yourself through God’s eyes and never let someone make you feel inferior for being who He made you to be.
Related: 16 Awesome Things For Christian Teens to Take Pride in.
For more specifics on how to deal with bullying, check out this article from Stop Bullying.