Imagine you’re an alien from another planet and, by stroke of good fortune, you land at one of Earth’s many public libraries. You’ve never interacted with humans—particularly teens—before so you walk to the YA section and decide to do a little research.
What might the books there lead you to conclude about Earthling teenagers?
You’d probably assume profanity was their primary language. (The amount of swearing in some YA fiction makes them an R by movie-rating standards.) You’d assume drinking, drugs, and partying are acceptable—even normal—parts of every teen’s life, and that teens lack the self-control to override sexual urges. Some books might also have you believe abortion is as common a procedure as having a cavity filled.
Essentially, your “research” paints modern teenagers as carnal animals completely incapable of self-control.
Are you insulted right now? You should be.
You are capable of so much more! Teens all over the world are passionate about high moral standards and selfless living, and you can join them in exceeding expectations. Let me help you out by sharing some thoughts on how to develop self-control as a teen.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Where Does Self-Control Come From?
Lack of self-control is not an age or gender issue. It’s a problem we all face. So wouldn’t it be nice if you could walk into Wal-Mart or Costco and find jumbo 2-Packs of Self-Control on the shelves, perhaps between the sticks of deodorant and tubes of toothpaste? Imagine how helpful it would be for our waistlines if we could order it at our favorite fast-food joint.
“Yes, I’ll take a side of self-control with my burger and fries, and would you please supersize it?”
Lack of self-control is not an age or gender issue. It’s a problem we all face.
What if you could pluck it from a tree the way you might pick apples in an orchard? When you want the ones on top, you just shake the tree and beautiful, ripe fruits of self-control come hurtling down at you.
Actually, the reality is, it’s even easier than that. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Galatians 5:22-23), along with love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, and gentleness. Sin, on the other hand, includes such things as hatred, drunkenness, sexual immorality, and impurity, to name a few (Galatians 5:19-21). But when Christ died on the cross, he didn’t just redeem us from the guilt and judgment of past and future sins.
He freed us from sin itself.
Titus 2:14
That evil slave owner named Sin? He doesn’t have power over you anymore! You are no longer Sin’s slave. Sin was crucified, and the space he once held in you is now filled with Jesus.
I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.
Galatians 2:20
Easy Access to Self-Control
If Christ is living in you, the fruits of the Spirit are already within you. No need to go searching for self-control, no worries about it disappearing from the shelves the way toilet paper disappeared when Covid hit in 2020. You have a lifetime supply of it everywhere you go.
God has equipped you to do what he asks of you. You have 24/7 access to self-control because he gave it to you.
I’m telling you this because I want you to realize first and foremost that God has equipped you to do what he asks of you. The odds in this case are not against you. You have 24/7 access to self-control because he gave it to you.
If you are suddenly feeling very powerful, I think you’re starting to grasp what I’m saying.
“But,” you argue, “I know what self-control is, but in the heat of the moment, I seem to lose it.”
How to Develop Self-Control as a Teen: Call in the Troops
Trevor is a soldier at war. One day, as he scouts the thick, swampy forest in search of the enemy, a lion suddenly appears. Trevor yells, Trevor screams, but the lion is undeterred. Just when it seems the lion will overcome the frightened soldier, Trevor hears the shout of one of his fellow soldiers:
“Trevor, draw your weapon!”
Trevor had his weapon on his belt all along, but it took a reminder from his comrade before he remembered to use it.
So it is with Christian friends.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
This is another of the many arguments in favor of going to church regularly and seeking out Christian friendships. Surround yourself with people who can remind you to draw your weapon. You have the tools and the weapons, the self-control and other fruits of the Spirit. You just need to use them.
Expect to Succeed
Don’t let anyone lower their expectations about you just because you are young. And don’t fall for it yourself. If you haven’t pulled out your weapon yet, let today be the day you realize you are carrying it!
For the teen who’s ready to challenge the low expectations set for you and your peers: There’s a whole website devoted to just that! Visit TheRebelution.com, a website for teens by teens, where their motto is “Rebelling against low expectations.”
Draw your weapons!
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Bible Verses About Self-Control
- Proverbs 25:28
- Galatians 5:13-26: This section includes the above-referenced Fruits of the Spirit verses in context.
- 1 Peter 1:13-16
- 1 Peter 5:8-9: This verse reminds us that our fellow Christians are undergoing the same struggles as we are.
- 2 Peter 1:3-11