In a previous article, I demontrated the lethal snowball effect of unchecked sin and why you absolutely should confront a friend who keeps on sinning. Friends don’t let friends go to hell, right?
Still, it’s the kind of situation that twists your stomach in knots and keeps you up all night with worry. No one likes to confront unrepentant sin in a friend. Because no one likes to be told they’re wrong.
You can probably already imagine how she’ll react.
“Oh yeah? Like you’re so perfect. Who are you to judge me? Take the plank out of your own eye before you point out the speck in mine!”
She’s right. You aren’t perfect. You probably have a few of your own secret sins to face. But that doesn’t mean you can’t confront a friend’s unrepentant sin.
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
In This Article
The Battle For a Soul
Satan considers Christians his biggest trophies and he puts in a lot of overtime trying to snag as many of us as he can. That “do not judge” rule? It’s one of his favorite ways to paralyze you when it comes to facing unrepentant sin in a friend or family member.
But someone has to do it, and you just might be the only one brave enough. So how should you go about turning someone you care about away from their sinful ways?
How to Confront a Friend Who Keeps On Sinning: 10 Important Elements
Be prompt.
The longer you wait to confront someone actively engaged in a sinful choice, the tighter he’ll hold onto it and the harder he’ll fight back. Step up and help him before it’s too late.
Be wise.
Not every sin requires confrontation. If your friend is already remorseful, there’s no need to point out her wrongdoing. But UNREPENTANT sin needs to be faced, and if this is the case, timing is everything. Find a time when you’re both calm, alert, and not rushed.
Be prepared.
Know what the Bible says about the particular behavior you’re trying to irradicate. Does your friend have a bad habit of coarse language? Did he cheat on a homework assignment? Has she been intimate with her boyfriend? Find verses that apply and write them down to share with your friend for clear evidence that what he’s doing is wrong.
Need help? I’ve already covered a huge variety of topics relevant to Christian teens on this blog. You just might find what you’re looking for right here. Look at the tags in the sidebar (below for mobile) or try the search option. If you still can’t find what you’re looking for, contact me directly.
Be humble.
Jesus wants us to confront our fellow Christians when they’ve made wrong choices, but he reminds us very bluntly in Luke 6:41-42 that we must also confront our own sin as well. Take the plank out of your eye so you can help your friend with the speck in his.
Admitting to and actively fighting against your own sin boosts your credibility when confronting sin in someone else.
Be present.
This is not the time to text or email. Meet her in person and let her see your genuine concern for herself. If that’s not possible, call her on the phone so she can hear your voice with all its inflections. Texts and emails are too flat and unemotional. Everyone has a story about a virtual message that was blown out of proportion. Don’t take a chance on this being one of those times.
Be clear.
This is the time to be kind, but direct. Don’t muddle the situation by beating around the bush. Start with something like “I know this might be difficult to hear…” or “I’ve noticed that you [insert issue here] and I’m worried because…” Get right to the point. Glazing over it won’t help either.
Be redemptive.
Obviously, the goal when you confront a friend living in unrepentant sin is that she repent and turn back to God. You’re not doing this so you can be proven right or rub her nose in her errors. You’ve done the hard part—pointing out the wrongdoing. Now do the amazing part: sharing Christ’s love and forgiveness.
This applies to any and all sins. There are no sins for which God would not grant forgiveness to the repentant soul.
Be patient.
We tend to cling to and defend our sins, so odds are your friend will become defensive, at least initially. Give him time to process what you’ve said and be sympathetic. If you’ve laid out your concerns with clear vocabulary, there’s no need to repeat it over and over. Let him think about it and make his decision.
Be firm.
It’s tough when someone refuses to acknowledge his wrongdoing or repent of his sin. But if this happens, note how Jesus says to handle this situation in Matthew 18:15-20. You are to treat him like an unbeliever, someone who doesn’t know the full gospel of Jesus.
What exactly does that look like? Your friendship may have to cool for a time. This isn’t a full-out shunning. In fact, you should continue to point him to God’s Word and remind him of the basics of salvation. And you should always do it in love. But it might be through a cracked relationship that your friend sees the full magnitude of his sinful choices.
Be prayerful.
Lift her up to the Lord. The Holy Spirit works in your friend’s heart, unbinding her from her slavery to sin. Pray hard and pray often for as long as it takes.
Brothers and sisters, if someone is caught in a sin, you who live by the Spirit should restore that person gently. But watch yourselves, or you also may be tempted.
Galatians 6:1
Make no mistake, sin is not to be taken lightly and God explicitly commands that you encourage each other in faith and confront friends who walk the line of sin. But if you go through the painful process of weeding out sin, you also get to proclaim the amazing grace of our God, who has washed our sins away!