On a beautiful autumn day in 2009, my husband and I pledged our commitment to each other in a small country church packed with people.
I wore my grandmother’s 1940s wedding dress and walked down the aisle on my father’s arm to while friends performed original music composed by yours truly. The minister gave a lovely sermonette, then Brian and I stared into each other’s eyes, said our vows, kissed, and marched down the aisle as husband and wife for the very first time. Afterward, it was off to a reception that included a chicken doing the hokey pokey and guys walking around in ladies’ shoes.
Good times!
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Why Our Culture is Failing at The Art of Commitment
Back up for a moment to those vows I mentioned.
They probably sound like just another part of a meticulously planned day. In fact, they were pretty easy to say, even with phrases like for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health, and as long as we both shall live. Neither my then-fiance nor I balked when we came to that part. Like most weddings, ours had a happy ending.
It’s easy to say “yes” to something, not so easy to follow through.
But, sadly, many marriages do not.
Current divorce statistics prove too many people either a) don’t realize what they are promising when they speak their vows on their wedding day, b) don’t really mean what they are saying through their vows, or, c) changed the wording of the vows so they weren’t really committing to anything at all.
It’s easy to say “yes” to something, not so easy to follow through on that yes. As a whole, our culture fails miserably at the art of commitment.
How “Commitment Issues” Are Too Common
Marriage is just one (albeit, huge) example of where the art of commitment has been lost. You don’t have to look hard to find others.
Think about someone who joins the school show choir or volleyball team, but frequently skips practices. Or the friend who promises to greet attendees to your art exhibit, but fails to show. The coworker who doesn’t uphold his end of a group project, the club member who promises to provide four dozen cookies for a bake sale fundraiser but forgets to bring them, the team member who promises to abstain from alcohol, then gets drunk at a frat party…
What about those who are chronically late? Isn’t that a form of not taking commitment seriously?
How about those who join an exclusive club but don’t follow the rules?
Commitment Issues in Club Christianity
If you call yourself a Christian, I’m going to assume that at some point you’ve said “yes” to Jesus. So what does that entail?
Saying yes to Jesus is not all that different from saying yes to the person you intend to marry. In fact, marriage is compared to Jesus’ relationship with the church in Ephesians 5:22-33. In both instances, you vow to love, honor, and serve someone else before yourself, for better or worse.
And as with marriage, many of us do not take that commitment seriously or commit solidly.
“Sure, I believe in Christ, but as for the rest of the Bible? Pfft. I’d rather not be bothered with God’s old-fashioned rules about lying, cheating, adultery, homosexuality, abortion, and hate.
If any of this sounds like you, then your “yes” to Christ doesn’t hold much meaning.
“Church? Who needs church? I can worship God in my own way wherever I am.
“And don’t expect me to leave my future up to him; I’m the captain of my ship. I choose where I go.
“That trifle little sin I keep coming back to is just a part of who I am. God can’t expect me to change who I am. He made me this way.”
If any of this sounds like you, then your “yes” to Christ doesn’t hold much meaning. You’ve joined the club but haven’t committed to following its code of conduct. That’s like marrying someone but hanging on to your right to date other people. You haven’t jumped in with both feet.
You’re actually saying no in a more intensely painful way.
How to Reclaim the Lost Art of Commitment
Are you starting to recognize the importance of commitment and how our chronic commitment issues have driven a wedge through too many relationships? As a Christian teen, it’s time to step up and lead the way back to the lost art of commitment, starting with your faith.
Commitment to Jesus: Let Your Yes Be Yes
Those who say yes to taking Christ’s name upon themselves must be prepared to do it mind, body, and soul. As Joshua said to the Israelites:
“Choose for yourselves this day whom you will serve. But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
Joshua 24: 15
This is an “all-in” proposition: Either you’re in or you’re not. Nobody does great things through faith by straddling the fence. Pray for the Holy Spirit to fill your heart with Jesus so he becomes your all in all rather than your sidekick.
Some articles to help you follow through on your yes to Christ:
- For Better or Worse: How Deep is Your Devotion to God?
- How To Love God: What is God’s Love Language?
- Indestructible Faith: Toughen Up For When the Waters Rise
- The Case For Abstinence: This is What Really Matters
Commitment to Others: Follow Through On Your Promises
Want to know how to stand out in the classroom or workplace? Do your job!
That’s right, a shocking number of people fail to complete basic requirements simply because they’re not trained in the art of commitment. So those who deliver stand out—and are commended for it.
But don’t do it for the accolades. Do your job because that’s what you’re supposed to do. The same goes for your relationships. Don’t be afraid to commit, but whether it’s a promise made to your best friend’s little sister, a pledge of allegiance to your team, or a marriage vow to the love of your life, saying yes should be nothing less than total commitment. Don’t let fear or laziness cause you to you slump off on your promises.
Say yes, then do it.
Some articles to help you follow through on your promises to others:
- Is It Actually Wrong to Live Together Before Marriage?
- How to Prepare Yourself For Marriage Before You Find “The One”
- Why Should I Keep Praying For An Unbelieving Friend?
- 8 Ways to Encourage Your Friends In Their Faith
Commitment to Yourself: Don’t Give Up
Given our modern “me” culture, you might think commitment to self isn’t a problem. So let me ask you: Do you know anyone struggling with drugs, alcohol, or obesity? Any friends who lack discipline when it comes to completing homework, studying for exams, or taking care of their own physical needs?
Are you someone who knows she should exercise but can’t seem to make herself do it?
These are all people who struggle with commitment to their own physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being. By choosing destructive behaviors over healthy habits, you’re letting yourself down and falling short of the potential you could reach. And personal commitment issues have a trickle-down effect when it comes to following through on your commitments to faith and others. It’s difficult to step up when your own well-being is floundering.
Commit to doing whatever it takes to operate at full potential, then follow through!
Some articles to help you get over commitment issues regarding your own needs:
- How to Make Your New Year’s Resolutions Stick This Time
- Real Toughness Redefined: How to Develop a Strong Mind
- No Excuses: A Challenge to Own Your Problems
Goodby Commitment Issues, Hello Freedom!
You don’t have to have all the answers.
but, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
For the guy who sees committing to a girl for life as a prison sentence, and the girl who views biblical commands as a ball and chain, it’s time to recognize the real jail cell is your lack of commitment. Don’t be a prisoner to fear, sloth, greed, or whatever it is that has you running from allegiance and responsibility.
When you shed that misperception, you can recognize there’s power in taking a committed stand for something!