A Teen’s Guide to Understanding Parents (Yeah, Right!)

If I could come up with two objectives for all parent-teen relationships, they would be:

1. Love
2. Respect

I bet I know what you’re thinking right now. “Yes! Finally someone who says my parents need to respect me!” Sure, love and respect are two-way streets, but don’t misunderstand my analogy. In driving terms, two-way simply means you don’t have to wait for an oncoming car to pass before you drive down the road. You can give respect without waiting for it to come to you.

This is why every youth needs a Teen’s Guide to Understanding Parents. And here it is!

The Very Useful Teen’s Guide to Understanding Parents

God commands you to honor your mother and father. But, let’s be honest: Sometimes you just don’t “get” each other. Their rules frustrate you, their thinking is old-fashioned, and sometimes it seems their humor was specifically designed to embarrass you in front of your friends. (And trust me, they’re just as flustered by you.)

Given its brevity, this teen’s guide to understanding parents is more like a pocket companion than a full-out textbook on how to honor your parents, but the included information should get you started on the right foot.

Because life’s too short to waste it on waiting for another car to pass!

1) You may not believe it, but your parents were once teenagers. 

Yeah, they had to study for tests, learn to drive, do chores at home, and juggle a part-time job just like you. They may have harbored a secret crush on a classmate at some point or been rejected by a close friend. They probably went through a prolonged phase of insecurity about their abilities, their pimples, or their clothing. Many of the same things you’re dealing with now were issues for the teens of their day as well.

And they haven’t forgotten what it was like. So if you think they couldn’t possibly understand, just remember: They’re looking at the teen years through the lens of wisdom that only comes with age.

2) God gave your parents their authority.

 Jenny’s mom lets her wear her skirts above the knee while yours goes by the old-school rule that says the hem should touch the floor when you kneel. Jake’s dad lets him stay out until 10 on a school night, but yours imposes a no-compromises 8:30 curfew. How do you handle the frustrating discrepancies? Are your friend’s parents too loose, or are yours too strict?

Neither, perhaps. 

God gave your parents the gift of you, and along with that comes the authority to decide the best way to raise you. The best thing you can do is choose to honor and respect their authority according to the Bible.

Children, obey your parents in the Lord, for this is right.

Ephesians 6:1

3) They’re human, just like you. Mistakes happen.

I’ve made parenting decisions I regret. I’m sure your parents have, too. Give them grace when they make a mistake because they do the same for you every day.

4) Sometimes you embarrass them, too.

Think your dad’s glasses are mortifying? He’s thinking the same thing about your nose ring—and so are his friends and coworkers.

People view kids as a reflection of their parents—both in character and values. When you mess up, others are shaking their heads, thinking, “How could John Smith have raised a kid like that?” Even parents aren’t immune to the opinions of others, and it’s easy to react out of embarrassment.

5) They love you, but sometimes they have a hard time showing it.

Love can be expressed in five different ways: physical touch, uplifting words, time spent together, the giving of gifts, and service. I’ll bet that one of these ways speaks more loudly to you than the other four, but your mom or dad might not be great at that particular method. Mom might go all out when it comes to buying you neat gifts, but you really want her to spend time with you. And nothing makes you feel more loved than a hug, but Dad’s not so great at showing physical affection.

It’s okay to tell them what would make you feel loved. More than likely, they would appreciate the hint.

6) Parents need love in return.

Re-read the last section, but reverse roles. If Mom is always wanting to hug you but you hate hugs, she might be needing hugs. If Dad wants to shoot hoops with you, but you’d rather go out with your friends, he might be missing the quality time spent with you. At times, your teen years may feel like a parent vs. child battlefield. But, odds are, if your love tank is running on empty, so is your mom’s or dad’s.

Find out what Mom or Dad’s main “love language” is (it might not be the same as yours or each other’s) and see if you can express it their way! Check out 5LoveLanguages.com.

Related: What is God’s Love Language?

7) They have good stories to tell—maybe even better than yours.

 If #1 of this list is true, then so is this one. Your parents probably have their own stories about being caught sneaking out or playing tricks on a sibling’s boyfriend or making the winning basketball shot from the half-court line right before the final buzzer. My respect for my parents went way up when I heard some of the stories of things they’d done as teens that I never would have tried.

Learn your parents’ stories. They might shed some light on their reason for stricter rules.

“Honor your father and mother, so that you may live long in the land the Lord your God is giving you.”

Exodus 20:12

More Advice on Parent-Teen Relationships—For Teens

• Looking for practical steps on exactly how to honor your parents? Check out this article from Focus on the Family. Your teen years are the last years you will be living with your parents before you head out on your own. Enjoy them! 
• Relationships with friends or members of the opposite sex are not the most important relationships for you to focus on right now. Be reminded of that in True Love On Valentine’s Day, No Matter Your Relationship Status.

And if you haven’t already, check out my short stories! Read about teens working through real-life issues and relationship struggles that may be similar to yours.