Imagine you’re an alien from another planet and, by stroke of good fortune, you land at one of Earth’s many public libraries. You’ve never interacted with humans—particularly teens—so you walk to the YA fiction section for a little research.
What might the books there lead you to conclude about Earthling teenagers?
You’d probably assume profanity was their primary language. (The amount of swearing in some YA fiction makes them an R by movie-rating standards.) You’d surmise that drinking, drugs, and partying are acceptable—even normal—parts of every teen’s life, and that teens cannot control their sexual urges.
Essentially, your “research” paints modern teenagers as carnal animals completely incapable of self-control.
Is the human you insulted right now? It should be.
Overall, the world expects very little from teens in the way of self-discipline. But you are so much more capable of self-control than that. The fact that you’re reading this post means you want to believe it too.
So let’s talk about how to develop self-control as a Christian teen.
Hey, I’m Lauren, author of YA Christian fiction and blogger for teens with higher aim.
In This Article
Where Does Self-Control Come From?
Lack of self-control is not an age or gender issue. It’s a problem we all face. So wouldn’t it be nice if you could walk into Walmart or Costco and find jumbo 2-Packs of Self-Control on the shelves, perhaps between the sticks of deodorant and tubes of toothpaste? Imagine how helpful it would be for our waistlines if we could order it at our favorite fast-food joint.
“Yes, I’ll take a side of self-control with my burger and fries, and would you please supersize it?”
Lack of self-control is not an age or gender issue. It’s a problem we all face.
What if you could pluck it from a tree like apples in an orchard? When you want the ones on top, you simply shake the tree and beautiful, ripe fruits of self-control come hurtling toward you in abundance.
Actually, it’s easier than that. Self-control is one of the fruits of the Spirit as spelled out in Galatians 5:22-23. But you don’t need a fruit tree to access it. When the Holy Spirit moves inside you, the result is an abundant crop of “fruits”—love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control. And if you’re a believer, you can be assured that the Holy Spirit is living within you.
“I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me.”
Galatians 2:20
Easy, right? No need to go searching for self-control. No worries about it disappearing from the shelves the way toilet paper disappeared when Covid hit in 2020. You have a lifetime supply of it with you at all times, everywhere you go.
God has equipped you to do what he asks of you.
I’m telling you this because I want you to realize first and foremost that God has equipped you to do what he asks of you. The odds in this case are not against you. You have 24/7 access to self-control because he gave it to you. But if you’re struggling with a lack of self-control, it’s likely because the roots of your spiritual “fruit tree” are not being nourished properly.
How to Develop Self-Control as A Christian Teen
My husband and I have different capabilities when it comes to mental processing. I’m able to carry on multiple conversations at once, and I can write something on a piece of paper while talking to him about something else.
Brian, on the other hand, is entirely one-tracked. If I ask him a question while he’s reading the newspaper, he’ll answer me five minutes later—after he’s finished his article. When he focuses on something, nothing else can penetrate his thinking. He is in awe of my multi-track processing abilities, I am in awe of his deep-focusing abilities.
When it comes to sin, however, we are all one-track-minded. You can’t indulge in sin and concentrate on God at the same time. When you’re sharing juicy gossip about a classmate, you’re not thinking about Jesus’ call to love one another. If your eyes are focused on that steamy movie, they’re not focused on the pursuit of holiness. And when you’re making out with your boyfriend in the backseat of his car, your heart is not being gratified by Christ.
You can’t focus on gratifying your sinful passions and loving God at the same time. It just doesn’t work.
“Those who live according to the flesh have their minds set on what the flesh desires; but those who live in accordance with the Spirit have their minds set on what the Spirit desires.”
Romans 8:5
If you’re wondering how to develop self-control as a Christian teen, recognizing this phenomenon is key. If you want more self-control—or patience, or faithfulness, or any other spiritual fruit—focus on Jesus more than anything else. Become rooted in him until your greatest desire and passion lie in him. Then the fruits will come without you realizing it.
Related: Wondering How to Overcome Lust? Desire God More
Focus on Jesus: 5 Practical Steps
- Pray. God is your first line of defense. Talk to him often, listen well, and grow closer to him. Read about the remarkable privilege of prayer.
- Go to church for regular worship. This is important. Don’t know why? Check out Why Young Christians Absolutely Need to Go to Church.
- Read your Bible every day. See my post Read Your Bible Every Day: Why it Matters & How to Start for more about this. If you’re struggling with one sin or many sins, Romans 7:14-8:8 is a good place to start.
- Don’t just read scripture. Soak it in. Posting verses where you’ll see them often is one way to do this. Tape index cards of Bible verses to your mirror and dashboard. Post them in your locker. And memorize them so you’re ready for when temptation strikes. Read How to Resist Temptation: A Christian Teen’s Battle Plan for more on this.
- Rid your lives of the things that distract you from him. Racy movies and novels, music with ungodly lyrics, junk food you tend to binge on . . . Removing these is pretty straightforward (though not always easy), but what about friends who consistently lead you astray, a boyfriend who doesn’t share your moral views, and social media in all of its many forms? If they are your tipping point into sin, then, yes, you will have to let go of them, too. A wise pastor once said, “Don’t sacrifice something so sacred for something so small.” Pray for God to open your eyes to the things that are hogging the single track in your mind, and ask him for the fortitude to get rid of them. And don’t do this step and skip the other four. If you take something out of your life, you need to fill it with something better.
Bible Verses About Self-Control
“Like a city whose walls are broken through is a person who lacks self-control.”
Proverbs 25:28
These Bible verses will help you build up your self-control and focus on Jesus.
- Galatians 5:13-26: This section includes the above-referenced Fruits of the Spirit verses in context.
- 1 Peter 1:13-16: Encouragement for focusing on Jesus and pursuing holiness.
- 1 Peter 5:8-9: Remember, your fellow Christians are undergoing the same struggles as you.
- 2 Peter 1:3-11: A reminder of your calling as a Christian.
The Importance of Keeping Good Company
Finally, don’t be like Trevor.
Trevor was a soldier at war. One day, as he scouted the thick, swampy forest in search of the enemy, a lion suddenly appeared. Trevor yelled, Trevor screamed, but the lion was undeterred. Just when it seemed the lion would overcome the frightened soldier, Trevor heard the shout of one of his fellow soldiers:
“Trevor, draw your weapon!”
Trevor had his weapon on his belt all along, but what good is a weapon if you don’t pull it? It took a reminder from his comrade before he remembered he was armed.
This is another of the many arguments in favor of going to church regularly and seeking Christian friendships. Surround yourself with people who will remind you to draw your weapon. You have the tools and the weapons, the self-control and other fruits of the Spirit. You just need to use them.
Check out 8 Ways to Encourage Your Friends in Their Faith for more on this.
Therefore encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing.
1 Thessalonians 5:11
Expect to Succeed
Don’t let anyone lower their expectations for you just because you are young. And don’t fall for it yourself. You have self-control, and if you haven’t pulled your weapon yet, let today be the day you realize you are carrying it!
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.