“If only my anguish could be weighed and all my misery be placed on the scales! It would surely outweigh the sand of the seas.”
These verses from Job 6 capture the essence of depression—if it’s even possible to do so. Only those who have been there can truly understand what it feels like. So what do you do if someone you care deeply about has fallen into the dark tunnel of despair? How can you help a friend through depression when you could never truly comprehend what she’s feeling?
The following is by no means a comprehensive list of everything you should and should not do to help a friend through depression. But my personal experience with this matter says just a few key things make the biggest difference.
Hi, I’m Lauren Thell, author of Christian YA fiction and blogger for teens who are ready to exceed the world’s expectations.
In This Article
Be there, and stay there.
Depressed people are in desperate need of love, care, and support—even when they deny it.
Depressed people can be, well, depressing. So it’s tempting to spend less time with them. Add to it the likelihood your friend will repeatedly turn down your invitations and decline to participate in the usual activities, and you might even find yourself pulling away.
But depressed people are in desperate need of love, care, and support—even when they deny it. Continue to invite her to activities and spend time with her just as you did when things were less bleak. Encourage, support, and show your love and concern.
Related: 8 Ways We Can Overcome Loneliness Together
Don’t cast judgment.
The biggest myth that hurts depressed people? “If he would just get up and snap out of it, he’d be fine.”
It is not possible—physically or mentally—for someone in the throes of depression to just snap out of it.
Don’t EVER say that to a friend struggling with depression, because it isn’t true. It is not possible—physically or mentally—for someone in the throes of depression to “just snap out of it.” But a lot of well-meaning friends make it worse by projecting the feeling that he should be able to do just that.
Educate yourself on depression. Then concentrate on being an empathetic listener more than a superb adviser. Don’t try to fix him. You’re there as a guide to lead him toward the light.
Related: A Challenge to Be a Good Listener
Know when to intervene.
This is a big one, especially for a friend who is not yet seeing a doctor or psychologist. If your friend is having a difficult time functioning or begins to talk about harming herself, DON’T BRUSH IT OFF!
Learn to recognize the signs she may need help and be prepared to act. Involve a trusted mentor or adult if you’re not sure what to do.
Helpful resource: Where to Look In Scripture During Your Darkest Nights
Take care of yourself too.
While I advise you to not pull away from a friend struggling with depression, it is okay to set boundaries. Unless you sense a real emergency, there’s no need to drop everything you’re doing every time he calls. Saying, “I’ll be over at 5:00,” is still communicating your concern for him while maintaining your own space and sanity.
You must take care of yourself to care for someone else.
Related: Mental Health For Christian Teens: Cultivate Joy Outside Yourself
Point your friend to the only source of lasting joy.
To the severely depressed person, even the thought of eternity in heaven holds little joy. But continued washing in Christ’s love will have powerful cleansing, healing—and lasting—effects over time. Spend lots of time (both alone and with your friend) in prayer and the Bible. Prayer allows you to put the problem in the hands of Someone greater than yourself. And within each verse of scripture is an infinity of love.
Check out my posts Find Lasting Joy, Right From the Source and A Rare Treasure: Discover True Christian Joy for more on this.
Bible Verses For Depression: Look in Psalms!
Nowhere in the Bible are emotional ups and downs more stark than in the Book of Psalms, where the deep despairs of earthly life mingle with the ever-present hope of God. Almost as if they were written by someone who’s been there…
There are many, so I’ll give you just a few (with teasers). Follow the links to read each Psalm in its entirety:
- Psalm 27: “He will hide me in the shelter of his sacred tent and set me high upon a rock.“
- Psalm 34: “The angel of the Lord encamps around those who fear him, and he delivers them.“
- Psalm 42: “My soul is downcast within me; therefore I will remember you.“
- Psalm 43: “Send me your light and your faithful care, let them lead me.”
- Psalm 88: “You have put me in the lowest pit, in the darkest depths.”
Help a Friend Through Depression: The Light At the End of the Tunnel
You can help a friend through depression simply by remaining just that: a true friend. And when she reaches the other side of the dark tunnel, she can say as the psalmist said in Psalm 40:1:
“I waited patiently for the Lord; he turned to me and heard my cry.”
More Resources For Christian Teens Struggling With Depression
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