A version of this article first appeared in the April-May 2025 issue of Brio Magazine for teen girls.
Rejection bites. Amiright, ladies?
When Kia found herself growing closer to a guy she’d known most of her life, the feeling seemed mutual. Students at the same school, they spent nearly all their waking hours together, sharing classes, extracurriculars, and social circles. She was ready for a committed relationship with someone who’d been a constant in her life.
Then, right as things were heating up, he put the brakes on and brought the relationship to a screeching halt. In Kia’s words years later: “It shocked me to my core, tore down everything I had wanted, and left me incredibly depressed and alone.”
Have you recently been rejected by a boy? Maybe he walked away from a long-term relationship with you, or the guy you’re hot on suddenly declared he “just doesn’t like you like that.” Whatever the case, rejection rattles your confidence, erodes your sense of worth, and taints your future relationships.
That is, if you let it. Let’s figure out how to handle rejection from a guy.
Hey, I’m Lauren, author of YA Christian fiction and blogger for teens with higher aim.
In This Article
Rule of Rejection #1: Let Him Go
Unfortunately, not every relationship ends with closure. Sometimes you’re flying along smoothly then, bam, the plane crashes. That’s what happened to Neve when the boy she’d grown fond of suddenly stopped talking to her, no explanation given. In the months following, she wrote notes he never responded to and called him on the phone only to have him hang up on her.
Tempted as you might be to beg for a redo in your situation, he’s made his choice and the prudent response is to let him go cleanly. You need space so your mind has a chance to release all the ideals you carried about having a relationship with him.
When Kia’s love interest suggested they remain “just friends,” she declined, knowing her heart wasn’t up for it.
And that’s okay! Distance aids the healing process. If your social circles overlap, this might be the time to step away and try something new—a hobby or sport, perhaps—where you aren’t constantly bumping into him.
The same goes for social media. When a guy rejects you, don’t stalk his online life and drive yourself crazy over how quickly he seems to have moved on. Block or delete him from your accounts if need be. You can always reconnect later.
Rule of Rejection #2: Give Yourself Time to Process
The loss of a relationship—whether real or hopeful—is aggravated when you try to push through it too quickly. Would you tell a friend to just “get over it”? Probably not, so don’t be so hard on yourself.
You are allowed to feel upset and dejected for a time. Kia stepped back from her social life for several days to nurse her broken heart. When a guy rejects you, it’s healthy to pause and take stock of your feelings.
Ask yourself, Why does this hurt so much? Is it because you were once very close to the guy in question before he pushed you away? Were you banking all your hopes on a fantasy that dissipated the second he said no? Or does the sting of rejection come from a deeper sense of low self-worth? Only when you acknowledge a feeling can you pinpoint the reason for it.
Then it’s time to challenge the thoughts that make you feel the brunt of rejection.
Rule of Rejection #3: Remember Who Decides Your Worth
Why are girls so affected by rejection from guys? It boils down to the three things every young woman wants:
- To be known
- To be wanted
- To be loved
Remove any of these, and your sense of worth takes a hit. That’s where rejection finds its sting. For years, Neve wondered what she’d done wrong and how she could’ve saved the relationship. When a guy turns you down or flat-out ignores you, it’s natural to feel as though some personal defect makes you uninteresting, undesirable, or unlovable.
And that’s a lie.
Your worth is not determined by a guy. Even you don’t determine your value. Just because you feel worthless doesn’t mean you are. Your worth was determined on a cross, long ago. God speaks of his absolute love for you in Isaiah:
“Fear not, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine.”
Isaiah 43:1
Known. Wanted. Loved.
Rule of Rejection #4: Remember, It’s Not Always About You
Here’s the moment where you need to step back and realize his rejection might have very little to do with you at all. The standard break-up line “it’s not you, it’s me” is more applicable than most people realize.
The boy you once called friend who’s now giving you the cold shoulder might be facing pressure from parents to follow certain standards. Your boyfriend’s unexpected dismissal of you might stem from his own struggles with inadequacy. The guy who turns down your invitation to the Sadie Hawkins dance might be dealing with self-confidence issues.
Or, maybe he just doesn’t share your feelings. That happens.
Rejection is the product of our broken world. We reject others because we first rejected the God who made them. You’ve done it too. (Think of the classmate you skipped over when choosing teams in PE because he couldn’t catch a ball if someone placed it in his hands.) We are all guilty of rejecting one another at some point. So while you might be tempted to tack your ex’s picture to a dart board, what you really should do is pray for him.
You can show love, because God loved you first. This is the best way of how to handle rejection from a guy.
Rule of Rejection #5: Focus Outward, Not Inward
Rejection hurts most when you focus on yourself and all the reasons a guy’s dismissal might be justified. Feelings of worthlessness and inadequacy stem from too much fixation on yourself. So how do you turn your focus outward?
Be like the elements—fire, hail, snow, wind:
“Praise the Lord from the earth, you great sea creatures and all deeps, fire and hail, snow and mist, stormy wind fulfilling his word!”
Psalm 148:7-8
You were created to love and worship the one true God. Focus on that task, and it becomes substantially more difficult to feel miserable about anything. Concentrate on your other relationships. Reach out to someone else who’s struggling with rejection.
There’s always someone else who could use the support of a good friend.
How to Handle Rejection From a Guy: You Get to Decide!
What about the inevitable awkwardness that’s bound to happen when you cross paths with said guy again? It’s up to you to set the standard.
You could cower and do everything in your power to avoid him, but that would only confirm the lie that he decides your value.
You could spread rumors on social media about what he did to you, but then you’re taking responsibility for determining his value.
Or, you could respect his choice and treat him with courtesy, freeing both of you up for healthier relationships. A failed relationship offers valuable information about yourself and what true love and respect should look like. God uses bitter experiences not to break you, but to help you mature mentally and spiritually. Make all your pain and frustration worth it by not missing the lessons in this.
More Relationship Advice for Christian Teens
You don’t have to have all the answers.
But, hey, why not?
Bring me your questions about faith, life, God, the Bible… and I’ll help you find the answers.
Check out my other articles for more dating relationship advice for Christian Teens.
- Girl Talk: How to Handle a Guy Who’s Coming on Too Strong
- How to Talk to Your Parents About Dating: Advice For Teens
- How to Know if You Like Someone Who’s In Love With You
- Is it Ever Too Young to Be Thinking About Marriage?
- “But I Like Him Too!” How to Avoid a Love Triangle
For general questions about Christian dating, my Ultimate Teen’s Guide to Christian Dating is a popular resource.